Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

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Nowadays, it is quite common to believe that technology

such

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and computer

games

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has a tremendous effect on our lives. Many people opine that the violence shown on

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as well as

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games

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impacts society negatively,

while

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others refute the notion. I firmly believe that these things do not influence

individual’s

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individuals

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severely, which will be discussed

further

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this

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essay. To commence with, brutality being displayed in

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programmes and

games

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makes people more attentive. To explicate, the individual would try to avoid the situations that would lead to severe

consequenc

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consequences

such

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as death. Not only, the humans become more conscious, but

also

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learn how to react in these situations; either to protect themselves or the victims. To describe,

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

youngsters are the most influenced proportion of people;

therefore

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they could start imitating the actors to fight

against

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apply

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Remove the comma

apply

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if something wrong happens. To illustrate, an article published in the newspaper stated that a teenager, who usually watches a violent show, reacted against the raping of a girl by calling the police.

Moreover

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, it is the nature of mankind to play these aggressive digital

games

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for fun. To elaborate, unless a get-together is arranged by young ones, their life is monotonous;

hence

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these

games

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are played by them as a leisure activity. To add to it, mostly these shows are seen under the vigilance of

parents

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which

decrease

Correct subject-verb agreement

decreases

show examples

the chances of having a harmful impact.

In other words

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, in today’s era,

parents

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always keep an eye on teenagers as

this

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is the age of falling into wrongdoings. To exemplify, a survey conducted in a local village in Punjab revealed that about 80% of

parents

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track the watching of their children and guide them on what is right and wrong in it. To encapsulate, violence in

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shows and computer

games

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does not impact individuals negatively;

nevertheless

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, makes them attentive and aware,

while

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playing a key role in passing out their leisure time. In my opinion, definitely, if

parents

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would make their children aware of the violation and address the consequences to them, they would watch it from a positive point of view.

GaganMon Feb 17 2025

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introduction

The introduction clearly states your opinion and outlines the main points, but could be more specific about what those points are. Consider briefly summarizing your arguments in more detail.

coherence

Strive to ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that directly relates to your thesis. The discussion is somewhat general in some areas and could benefit from more precise points.

task achievement

Although you provide examples, some could be stronger or more detailed to effectively illustrate your points. Enhance the clarity of your arguments by elaborating on them with more evidence or examples.

cohesion

Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay. This would help in making connections between your ideas clearer and improve the overall coherence of your text.

strength

Your stance on the issue is clearly stated in the introduction, which is a strong aspect of your essay.

strength

The use of real-world examples, such as the newspaper article and the survey from Punjab, adds credibility to your arguments.

strength

The structure of the essay is generally logical, with each paragraph focusing on a different aspect of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

353 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pivotal
desensitize
catalyst
predisposed
harmless outlet
distinguish
controlled environments
empirical research
minimal or no direct correlation
socio-economic status
predisposition

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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Art classes such as painting and drawing are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree on disagree ?

Some animal species are now completely extinct. Many people believe that we should prevent this from happening in the future. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Most people could not go to work in quarantine period and stayed at home due to the Covid-19 pandemic. What problems lockdown may arise, and how can these problems be tackled.

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? Give reaons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.