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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think educational success depends upon good teacher, others believe that it depends upon attitude of the students. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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There has been a constant debate on whether educational success is the responsibility of the
teacher
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 , or whether it is an individual's ability to learn. In
this
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 essay , I will elaborate on both views and give my personal opinion on
this
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 matter. On the one hand , some people believe that the growth of pupils depends upon the
teacher
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 .It is true that teachers can show
students
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 , how to succeed with good deeds , because after the parents school is the place where children learn to behave in public , face-to-face interaction and motivate scholars with examples.
For example
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, Rabindranath Tagore leaves an example of a good educator in India , he
shapens
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sharpens
shapes
shaped
 the future of
students
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 in a good way ,he not only provides education
,
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apply
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but
also
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 describes the importance of becoming a good person with good deeds.
Thus
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 , a good
teacher
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 is a person who can spread positive views and motivate
students
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 to achieve
the
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their
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goals
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 ;
Although
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goals
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 are hard to achieve still motivation of teachers will inspire
learner
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learners
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to achieve them, to break the barriers of problems.
However
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, unless
students
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 have a strong determination to achieve the desired
goals
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 ,
then
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 teachers'
efforts
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 are not going to work . It is
similar
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a similar
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 thing like a lock that needs a key to open ,in the same
way
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way,
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 pupils'
efforts
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 are
also
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 needed to reach the height of success .
For example
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, Kalpana Chawla became the First Lady who went to space . It not only happened because of her but
also
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 the
efforts
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 of
instructors
Correct article usage
the instructors
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 are
also
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 included.So , it is an important thing that kids need to focus on their
goals
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 to become a successful person. In my opinion, I think a student's success can often depend on how well they connect with their
teacher
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 and how much support they receive .
According to
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 me, both factors are interconnected with each ear other .A good educator can foster a positive attitude in learners ,
while
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 motivated
students
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 might seek out and thrive under good teaching. In conclusion , both views are interconnected with each other, they are incomplete if one will stop putting their
efforts
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 .

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coherence
Try to improve the logical flow of your arguments to enhance coherence. Use clearer transitions between points to make your ideas easier to follow.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the point being made, and consider using a broader range of examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic clearly and outlines your intention to discuss both views, which is effective in setting up the essay.
coherence
You provide a good variety of ideas that demonstrate different perspectives on the topic, showing that you have engaged with the question.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational success
  • good teacher
  • student attitude
  • motivation
  • academic achievement
  • engagement
  • support
  • interconnected
  • educational systems
  • academic performance
  • learning environment
  • inspire
  • foster
  • effort
  • positive attitude
  • connect
  • thrive
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