IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, there is a debate over whether criminals should be punished severely or rehabilitated. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is an ongoing interest in
crime
Use synonyms
consequencies
Correct your spelling
consequences
 for criminals. In many countries, they argue whether perpetrators should be placed on severe punishment or on
rehabilitation
Use synonyms
. I believe that they should be rehabilitated
while
Linking Words
 being punished severely. I will extensively analyze both sides of the conversation, and delineate my opinion, supported with relevant examples.
To begin
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, the main reason why I believe it is ideal to rehabilitate criminals is because it reduces the rate of recidivism in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. To buttress
this
Linking Words
, most lawbreakers have impaired judgements and addictions, they are victims of marginalization and social inequality. They have
inclination
Add an article
an inclination
the inclination
show examples
 of offending again, even after severe punishments.
Rehabilitation
Use synonyms
 provides a platform for physical and mental treatments of
this
Linking Words
 population, facilitating change in their values.
For example
Linking Words
, some adolescents who committed vandalism and theft under the influence of illicit drugs were sent to
rehabilitation
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 for treatment. They resumed their normal life activities after eighteen months of expert
suppoft
Correct your spelling
support
. There has been no report of repeated crimes from them.
This
Linking Words
 clearly, was effective.
However
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 they tend to re-offend, criminals should be severely punished as it helps combat
crime
Use synonyms
 in the country.
That is
Linking Words
, when
Use synonyms
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
 is committed. There should be timely justice or strict and clear consequences to it. Serious punishment of offenders serves as
deterrent
Add an article
a deterrent
show examples
 to others, resulting
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
reduced
Correct article usage
a reduced
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 rate.
For instance
Linking Words
, previously conducted
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 shown that societies with strict and trusted law enforcement and
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 institutions have successfully decreased
crime
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, promoting social stability and cohesion. In conclusion, with the rise in the cases of repeated
crime
Use synonyms
 from ex-convicts, I propose an integration of
rehabilitation
Use synonyms
 programs to tackle
crime
Use synonyms
 recurrence, with severe punishments
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 these lawbreakers to dissuade crimes.

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task achievement
While your essay presents a clear opinion, ensure that each argument is supported by more specific evidence or examples to enhance credibility. For the rehabilitation argument, consider mentioning statistical data or studies to strengthen your point.
coherence and cohesion
Adding linking phrases and clearer transitions between your points would improve the flow of the essay. Consider phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'in contrast' to enhance the logical progression of your ideas.
task achievement
Your essay effectively introduces the topic and states your opinion clearly. The intention to analyze both sides is well communicated in the introduction.
task achievement
Good use of examples relevant to your arguments, especially concerning the impact of rehabilitation on recidivism. This adds depth to your discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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