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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the percentage of students on an adult education centre taking various courses offered in 1985 and this year.

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he
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The
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 pie chart illustrates the proportion of
students
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 enrolled in various programs at an adult education
center
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centre
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 in 1985 and the current
year
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. The figures are measured in percentages. Looking at the illustrations, most
students
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 enrolled in Modern Languages, which had the highest enrollment among all courses in 1985 at 24%. There was a slight decrease in the current
year
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, with enrollment dropping to 17%. Local history and music appreciation are replaced by IT in
current
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the current
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year
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.
IT
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It
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 is the top most taken
course
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 by
students
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 at 27%. Fitness and dance
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course
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courses
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remains
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remain
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 constant at both the
year
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 at 22%. the proportion of
students
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 joining cookery
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course
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courses
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slight increase
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slightly increased
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 from 14% to 19%.
comming
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coming
 to Art
course
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,
their
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there
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 was
slight
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a slight
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 decrease from 17% to 15%. In 1985, Music
apperation
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appreciation
operation
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 the least
course
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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taken by
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the student
a student
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student
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students
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, among all other
program
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programs
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. In conclusion, Now, IT has the highest figure on the chart, followed by fitness and dance at 22%. Cookery has come in third at 19%, which is higher than modern languages 2%. Art has reached the lowest point at 15%.

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Linking words: Add some linking words.
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Linking words: Add linking words.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, year, course with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 3 times.
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