IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart compares the amount of money (in millions of euros) that people in four different age groups from Paris, France, spent on going to the cinema, restaurants and music concerts in 2019.

The bar chart compares the amount of money (in millions of euros) that people in four different age groups from Paris, France, spent on going to the cinema, restaurants and music concerts in 2019.
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This
Linking Words
 bar chart compares how much money has been spent on different activities
such
Linking Words
 as going to the cinema, restaurants and
music
Use synonyms
concerts
Use synonyms
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 in four different
age
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 from France in 2019
Overall
Linking Words
, the
residence
Replace the word
residents
show examples
 spent the most on restaurants
while
Linking Words
 they spent the
for enjoy
Replace the word
most time enjoying
show examples
music
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
concerts
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
older
Add an article
the older
show examples
 generation who are in the range of 40 – 45 and 56 -86 are not as much interested in
music
Use synonyms
 as
younger
Add an article
the younger
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 generation. The amount spent by the young
people
Use synonyms
 who are in between 26-39
age
Use synonyms
 band spent on cinema was two times
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 the
people
Use synonyms
 who are
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
56-86 spent
similiarly
Correct your spelling
similarly
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
resturant
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 there were twice as
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 spent by the
people
Use synonyms
 who are in
middle
Correct article usage
the middle
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 (40 -55) as
yourth
Correct your spelling
youth
 (18-25).
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Music
Use synonyms
concerts
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 not
attacted
Correct your spelling
attended
 anywhere near as many
middle aged
Add a hyphen
middle-aged
show examples
 individuals
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between 40-
55
Correct word choice
and 55
show examples
 as eating in
resturants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
music
Use synonyms
concerts
Use synonyms
 attracted more younger, 2%.
Music
Use synonyms
 concert was the least spent activity by
a
Change the article
an
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 group which is
people
Use synonyms
 between 56-
86
Correct word choice
and 86
show examples
.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 65%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words music, concerts, age, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compares" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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