IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own point of view

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Significant
Add an article
A significant
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 amount of individuals in different countries strongly agree with the statement of the
government
Use synonyms
 to construct the newest
lines
Use synonyms
 for railway transport outside the towns. Their opponents are sure that the most important is to increase the quality of transportation in the cities. In
this
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 essay, I would like to explain both viewpoints and share some examples of my own opinion. Frequently people discuss what is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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more important, a quality of the transformation or
a
Correct article usage
the
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 number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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lines
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. At
the
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apply
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first
slight
Correct word choice
apply
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, buses and trains ,which we use every day ,should be not only comfortable but
also
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 accessible. I think that public transportation should be affordable as well. The
government
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 should spend a huge amount of money from the budget for
this
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 issue, because a significant number of citizens, who
paid
Wrong verb form
pay
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 taxes ,use public transport every day.
On the other hand
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,
the
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apply
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individuals , who live in the countryside and
also
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paid
Wrong verb form
pay
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 taxes , need the newest
lines
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 and trains in their suburbs.
Therefore
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 the
government
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 should pay attention to
this
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 question. I’m sure that building
of
Change preposition
apply
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new
lines
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 requires larger amounts of money. In my opinion, both of
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this question
Fix the agreement mistake
these questions
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 have a vital importance in the development of countries. I strongly agree that the making of new
lines
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as well as
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a
Change the article
an
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increasing
Replace the word
increase
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of
Change preposition
in
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quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 and availability of public transport have a lot of advantages.
For example
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, new
lines
Use synonyms
 need
the
Correct article usage
a
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 significant number of workers, not only builders, but
also
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 drivers and engineers. Which will definitely have a positive impact on
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
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 development of
this
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 country. In conclusion, I would like to summarize that the
government
Use synonyms
 has to pay attention to the transportation system in the country because it is very important , like,
for example
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 ,
blood
Correct article usage
the blood
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 system in the human body.

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structuring
Your introduction could be improved by more clearly stating the thesis and summarizing the key points you'll discuss in the essay. Also, consider rephrasing your main arguments for clarity.
vocabulary
Ensure all terms are used correctly (e.g., 'transportation' instead of 'transformation'). A few vocabulary errors detract from your overall quality.
content
Try to elaborate on your ideas in each paragraph by providing more details or examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the task requirements.
conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes your points well and reflects your personal opinion clearly, which is a positive aspect.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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