IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

he graph below shows the percentage of the Australian workforce in five industries between 1962 and 2012.

he graph below shows the percentage of the Australian workforce in five industries between 1962 and 2012.
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The line graph compares the amount of primary school
students
Use synonyms
 in New Zealand learning a second
language
Use synonyms
 from 2006 to 2014, based on the
language
Use synonyms
 they studied.
Overall
Linking Words
,during
this
Linking Words
eight- year
Correct your spelling
eight-year
show examples
 period ,French remained the most popular
language
Use synonyms
,that the
students
Use synonyms
 learned . In 2006 Chinese was the less learned
language
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Spanish,
Japanese
Correct word choice
and Japanese
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 more popular among primary school
students
Use synonyms
 ,
However
Linking Words
,by 2011 ,the gap hesitating between these two countries ,and we see that the
students
Use synonyms
 learned less Spanish than French . As can be seen from
picture
Add an article
the picture
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
learned
Correct pronoun usage
who learned
show examples
 all of these languages but the less learned
language
Use synonyms
 was Chinese.
The
Change preposition
In the
show examples
 period between 2010 and 2014 we can see,that
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
,who learned Chinese
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as
second
Correct article usage
a second
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 significantly increased.It happened only one time between the entire period 2006 to 2014

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, language with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • workforce
  • sector
  • decline
  • increase
  • transition
  • trend
  • innovation
  • efficiency
  • service-oriented economy
  • outsourcing
  • global trend
  • expanding
  • fluctuating
  • urban expansion
  • infrastructure development
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