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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of the Australian workforce in five industries between 1962 and 2012. S

The graph below shows the percentage of the Australian workforce in five industries between 1962 and 2012. S
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The maps illustrate the changes that have taken
place
Use synonyms
 at Queen Mary Hospital since 1960.
Overall
Linking Words
, if
comparise
Correct your spelling
compared
 during these years the most noticeable changes are
shopping
Correct article usage
the shopping
show examples
Use synonyms
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
show examples
 and
farmland
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, they
were replaced
Change the verb form
have replaced
show examples
 ву cancer
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centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
show examples
 and
pharmacy
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pharmacies
show examples
. In 1960
this
Linking Words
place
Use synonyms
 was
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 public
place
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,
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 during these
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 it changed to
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 medical
place
Use synonyms
. The
place
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 increased to the medical side. In 1960 there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
shopping
Correct article usage
a shopping
show examples
centre
Use synonyms
,
farmland
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, hospital and
car
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park
Use synonyms
.
Shopping
Correct article usage
The shopping
show examples
centre
Use synonyms
located
Add a missing verb
is located
show examples
 to the left of the hospital,
below
Correct word choice
and below
show examples
shopping
Correct article usage
the shopping
show examples
Use synonyms
centre
Add the comma(s)
centre,
show examples
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
farmland
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 and
Use synonyms
car
Correct article usage
the car
show examples
park
Use synonyms
located
Add a missing verb
is located
show examples
 to the left of the
farmland
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. By 1980
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
signiticant
Correct your spelling
significant
 changes.
Pharmacy
Correct article usage
The pharmacy
show examples
added
Add a missing verb
was added
show examples
 next to the hospital,
shopping
Correct article usage
the shopping
show examples
centre
Use synonyms
replaced
Add a missing verb
was replaced
show examples
 by
cancer
Correct article usage
the cancer
show examples
centre
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
farmland
Correct article usage
the farmland
show examples
replaced
Add a missing verb
was replaced
show examples
 by
nursing
Correct article usage
a nursing
show examples
 school and
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car
Correct article usage
the car
show examples
park
Use synonyms
 did not change. After that another 20 years later the cancer
centre
Use synonyms
 got bigger and took a lot of
place
Use synonyms
.
Car
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
show examples
 and nursing
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 got smaller, they reduced in size.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words place, centre, farmland, car, park with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 5 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • workforce
  • sector
  • decline
  • increase
  • transition
  • trend
  • innovation
  • efficiency
  • service-oriented economy
  • outsourcing
  • global trend
  • expanding
  • fluctuating
  • urban expansion
  • infrastructure development
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