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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with the predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparasions where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with the predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparasions where relevant.
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This
Linking Words
 graph
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
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 the number of people who living in different countries
betwwen
Correct your spelling
between
 1970 to 2020.And predictions from 2030 to 2040.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the beginning,the number of
Phillppines
Correct your spelling
Phillippines
 was the most with 32% in 1970.On the contract,Indonesia was the least with 13%.In
this
Linking Words
piriod
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period
,Malaysia rose sharply
with
Change preposition
from
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 30% to 75% and it reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a peak from 1970 to 2020.On the other case,the
popuation
Correct your spelling
population
 of Thailand shows a steady increase and maintained about 30% between 1990 to 2020.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,we can find that 4
countrise
Correct your spelling
countries
 will
continuous
Change the adjective
continuously
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 rise in the future.Especially the data of
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
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always
Add a missing verb
is always
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 on the top and far more
Change preposition
than tha
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tha
Correct your spelling
the
 other 3 countries.Thailand,which had been third in 1970,
bacame
Correct your spelling
became
 fourth amount 55% over the next decade.And Indonesia,which had been
last
Linking Words
,eventually will become second with about 60% and just behind the Phillippines.
Overall
Linking Words
,Phillippines will become the most and Thailand will be the
last
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
now and in the future.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • trend
  • percentage
  • prediction
  • population
  • city dwellers
  • growth
  • megacity
  • demographic shift
  • economic development
  • migration
  • infrastructure
  • environmental impact
  • quality of life
  • statistical data
  • decade
  • significant increase/decrease
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