IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In the contemporary world, industrialization and globalisation lead people to migrate to metropolitan
cities
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 from small
cities
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.
This
Linking Words
 behaviour profoundly contributes to the lack of employees in many sectors,
whereas
Linking Words
 it reduces the demand
of
Change preposition
in
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 rural
regions
Use synonyms
 and discourages companies from investing in these areas. In my opinion,
this
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 attitude causes a huge devastation and appears a certain economic imbalance among poor
cities
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, so it stands out as a negative development. On the one hand, the migration from rural areas to urban areas can compensate
the
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for the
show examples
 open job positions in big
cities
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, since, especially in recent
decade
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decades
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, a lot of job facilities appeared in cosmopolitan
regions
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 with the investment of big caps. One perk of
this
Linking Words
 approach is that the companies can easily find more employees,
thus
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 that enables them to grow more than usual.
For instance
Linking Words
, in 2017,
Istanbul
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 was selected as the most invested city across Europe,
in addition
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, statistics emerged that occupation opening rates in
Istanbul
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 surged to 32%. That
convince
Replace the word
convinced
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 people to move to
Istanbul
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, and companies soared their profit more than ever.
However
Linking Words
, migration causes a huge detrimental reduction of potential investors to invest
other
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in other
show examples
regions
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, businessmen do not think of morals and ethics, they focus on the revenue.
While
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 the population of some
regions
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 reduce, these
regions
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 become less attractive for money holders.
As a result
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, the
regions
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 become stagnant and never improve in terms of industry. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen in Gaziantep, which is one of the smallest
cities
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 in Turkey, most citizens moved to big
cities
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,
such
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 as Ankara and
Istanbul
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, local employment rates decreased and the annual investment budget diminished to the ground. In conclusion,
while
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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migration can fill the labour shortage in big
cities
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, it can
induce
Verb problem
make
show examples
 small
cities
Use synonyms
 even worse.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing a more balanced perspective by briefly acknowledging the positive impacts of migration on rural areas, such as potentially increased services or remittances to families that remain.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. This will help strengthen your overall structure.
Coherence and Cohesion
Vary your sentence structures to enhance the fluency and interest of your writing. For example, you could use passive voice or conditional sentences to add variety.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion, and the argument is supported with relevant examples, which demonstrates good understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
The use of examples, such as Istanbul and Gaziantep, effectively illustrates the points made in the essay, contributing to the clarity of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
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