IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

International tourism has brought enormous benefit to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the enviroment. Do the disadvantages of International tourism outweight the advantages?

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There are
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of benefits to many places coming from tourist attractions, but there are many concerns associated with its effects on
inhabitants
Correct article usage
the inhabitants
show examples
 and
environment
Use synonyms
 of the same place. In
this
Linking Words
 piece of
writing
Add a comma
writing,
show examples
 I will discuss how the disadvantages outweigh its advantages. To
starts
Correct subject-verb agreement
start
show examples
 with, the disadvantage of tourist destinations is that inflation in
every thing
Correct your spelling
everything
show examples
. When
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitors come to see
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
places related to the history or past of the country, the Government
put
Wrong verb form
puts
show examples
 taxes on
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
show examples
,
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 or popular products that
people
Use synonyms
 purchase from the place. That increase in prices not only
target
Correct subject-verb agreement
targets
show examples
 the tourists but
also
Linking Words
 the local
people
Use synonyms
. So that's why sometimes individuals avoid
to buy
Change the verb form
buying
show examples
 some of the things or eating outside when they go outside with their loved ones and try to eat at home.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey
wa
Correct your spelling
was
 conducted by Oxford University of London in 2018 showed that after the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
visitors
Add a comma
visitors,
show examples
 the prices are inclined
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 tourists
as well as
Linking Words
 the
people
Use synonyms
 of the same area. Another
considering
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
factor is
impact
Add an article
the impact
show examples
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
environment
Use synonyms
 and habitat of endangered species.
Increasing
Add an article
An increasing
The increasing
show examples
 number of
people
Use synonyms
 at national parks or
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
show examples
 or other wildlife areas starts
effecting
Correct your spelling
affecting
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 the natural habitat of
flaura
Correct your spelling
flora
 and fauna.
Outsider
Fix the agreement mistake
Outsiders
show examples
 come to visit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
places
they
Rephrase
where they
show examples
 do not follow the rules and
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 of the area which ultimately
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 the
environment
Use synonyms
 and wildlife and results in declining of endangered species
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that zone.
For Example
Linking Words
, a report was published in
februari
Correct your spelling
february
 2013 by
Hindustan
Correct article usage
the Hindustan
show examples
 Times that mainly
highlight
Wrong verb form
highlighted
show examples
 the adverse
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 of Tourism on habitat and
Use synonyms
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
. The advantage of increasing tourism is the way of becoming popular around the world. The best
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
source of getting popularity in the world is the increasing number of outside
people
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 Banff national park in Alberta a province of Canada is very popular among the population. Almost every second year
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 from
other province
Change the wording
another province
other provinces
show examples
 of Canada
planned
Wrong verb form
plan
show examples
 their trip to see the Banff National
park
Capitalize word
Park
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, I believe that the
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 of increasing tourism outweigh its advantages as it badly affects the
environment
Use synonyms
 wildlife and local communities by increasing the amount of
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
show examples
 or other things for local residents and changing the natural living standards for animals and plants that are well known in a specific region.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents your main argument. You did state your opinion, but consider rephrasing it for clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more fluidly. Using linking words can improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check grammar and spelling before submitting. Small inaccuracies can detract from the overall quality of your essay, as seen with 'inflation in every thing' (should be 'everything') and 'wa conducted' (should be 'was conducted').
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, demonstrating that you've thought about the topic and your points logically.
Task Achievement
Your awareness of the disadvantages of tourism is clear, and you made valid points regarding its impact on local communities and the environment.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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