IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The range and quality of food that we can buy has changed because of the technological and scientific advances some people believe that this change as an improvement while others believe that it is harmful. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Over the course of the
last
Linking Words
 decades,
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of technology has changed
human’s
Change noun form
human
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 lives beyond recognition, even the variety and quality of
food
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 transformed.
Although
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 it seems that
this
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 trend offers numerous benefits, like accessibility to tastier dishes, some people claim
this
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 change imposes drastic threats on both our bodies and our environment. Admittedly, scientific advancements in agriculture and transportation, play a significant role in our eating habits. First of all, thanks to hi-tech devices and fast
aircrafts
Correct your spelling
aircraft
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, an array of products ranging from meat to rice, is transferred around the world.
Therefore
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, people in different locations have the opportunity to eat
the
Correct article usage
apply
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items that are not produced in their own region.
For instance
Linking Words
, since the climate of Canada is not suitable for growing fruits
such
Linking Words
 as
banana
Fix the agreement mistake
bananas
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 and
fig
Fix the agreement mistake
figs
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, these kinds of fruits are often imported from warmer countries like Brazil and Cuba.
In addition
Linking Words
,
taste
Correct article usage
the taste
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 and durability of foods
has
Change the verb form
have
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 improved
as a result
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 of crucial progress in genetic engineering, which modifies the
plants
Change to a genitive case
plant's
plants'
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 genes so as to yield a better crop.
Nevertheless
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, despite all the advantages of changes in edibles, some individuals advocate that the impacts of GM
food
Use synonyms
 are yet to be seen.
In other words
Linking Words
, they claim the high amount of utilized chemicals,
such
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 as fertilizers and pesticides, spells trouble in the near future.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there is a widespread belief that the significance of traditional cuisines of indigenous cultures has been undermined, as the majority of young adults prefer to eat fast
food
Use synonyms
. It was illustrated in a recent report from BBC
news
Capitalize word
News
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 that over 50% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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English teenagers are more satisfied with imported canned
food
Use synonyms
 because it is simply more convenient to eat. In summary, owing to improvements in science and technology, the variety and quality of
food
Use synonyms
 has enhanced.
While
Linking Words
 there are some people who stress the drawbacks of
this
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 trend,
such
Linking Words
 as
demise
Add an article
the demise
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 of cultures or hazardous farming methods, I highly support the opposite idea that confirms the benefits of
this
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 diversity are far more important.

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task achievement
Consider expanding your introduction to clearly outline both views before presenting your opinion. Your current opening could provide a stronger frame for the whole essay.
coherence and cohesion
In the body paragraphs, ensure clear topic sentences connect each point more explicitly back to the main argument of the essay.
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed examples or statistics to back up your points, particularly regarding the advantages and disadvantages of technological advancements in food production.
task achievement
You have demonstrated a good understanding of the topic by presenting both sides of the argument clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a coherent structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, as well as well-organized body paragraphs.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples, such as the importation of fruits to Canada, enhances your arguments effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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