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Writing Samples
Band 5

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctica. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?

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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent times, visitors
are
Verb problem
have
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tend
Wrong verb form
tended
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 to be more adventurous than before. They are inclined to
visit
Use synonyms
 harsh environments,
such
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 as the Sahara desert and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Antarctica.
This
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occurance
Correct your spelling
occurrence
 is beneficial
as well as
Linking Words
 detrimental.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
further
Linking Words
 discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sides in the following paragraphs. To justify benefits, it can be a good opportunity to learn and experience various
surroudings
Correct your spelling
surroundings
.
While
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 travelling, one can get the idea about certain
atmoshphere
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
 and their eco-systems. Individuals can have the moments of living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
harsh situations, and they can understand the lifestyle of natives.
For instance
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, it is the best chance to explore snowy fields, if you go to
north
Add an article
the north
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 or south pole.
Furthermore
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, when you travel to difficult places to go, travellers can overcome their fears for various things. On the other side, there are some considerable detriments, too.
Travels
Fix the agreement mistake
Travel
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 plans to
those kind
Change the determiner
that kind
those kinds
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 of locations are not pocket-friendly. Visitors need to pay
hefty
Add an article
a hefty
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 price for that, which includes accommodation, transport and a
tour-guide
Correct your spelling
tour guide
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.
In addition
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, it is not safe to
visit
Use synonyms
 extreme environments on your own.
For example
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, if you
have
Verb problem
do
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 not wear warm coats and snow boots for your
visit
Use synonyms
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Antarctica, your health can get worse,
due to
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 the exposure
of
Change preposition
to
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 cold winds.
Likewise
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, poisonous living creatures in the forests are always
the
Correct article usage
a
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 great threat, when you are exploring the Amazon forest area. To
simplified
Change the form of the verb
simplify
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,
body
Correct article usage
the body
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 and health are always in danger, during
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
visit
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
to
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place
Correct article usage
a place
show examples
, whose conditions are harsh. In
a
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion, it can be stated that visiting
extreme
Correct article usage
an extreme
show examples
 atmosphere provides a perfect chance to discover new
eco-systems
Correct your spelling
ecosystems
show examples
, and an opportunity to face challenges in your life.
However
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, it can be
expensive
Add an article
an expensive
show examples
 and dangerous thing to do.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that you proofread for spelling and grammatical errors to enhance clarity and readability.
task achievement
Expand on your main points with more detail; elaborate on the benefits and drawbacks with additional examples or explanations.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both benefits and disadvantages of visiting difficult places.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly states the purpose of the essay, preparing readers for the discussion ahead.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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