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Writing Samples
Band 4

Businesses positive and negative new advertising ?

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There is no denying the fact that advertising is a key part of modern business.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that advertising has advantages and disadvantages.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, companies need to tell customers about their products and services.
In addition
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, advertisements inform us about our choices.
In other words
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 without advertising, we would have less choice.
Also
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, it is a creative industry that employs many
people
Use synonyms
 so it would be a higher employment.
For instance
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, Kuwait University published research that companies
employee
Replace the word
employ
show examples
 a lot of writers who
did
Verb problem
have
show examples
 not
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a job
last
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 10 years.
On the other hand
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, it manipulates
people
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. It aims to persuade
people
Use synonyms
 that buying a product will make them happier and more successful. Because they use glamorous, successful
people
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, we now live in a consumer culture. We persuade you to follow the latest trend.
Furthermore
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, Adv often aims their marketing at children, who put pressure on parents to buy them things.
For example
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, toy companies earn a lot of money from TV ads. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that advertising is a form of modern art.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points, as this will strengthen your argument and show that your ideas are well thought out.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to have clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your arguments and improve overall coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Try to elaborate on your points further, especially in the introduction and conclusion, to create a more comprehensive overview of your discussion.
task achievement
You provided a clear overview of both the positive and negative aspects of advertising.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as the research from Kuwait University and toy companies, demonstrates a practical understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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