In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

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in recent years, many schools in different countries have experienced immature
behaviours
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from their
students
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.
While
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there are a variety of causes leading to
this
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issue, certain solutions can tackle
this
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.
Firstly
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, it is notable that the environment heavily influences how the
students
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perceive the world. Without proper guidance from their
parents
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and teachers, children are prone to act abnormally as they try to mimic their so-called idols on the internet in order to assert dominance towards other people and try to stay relevant to trends on social media. Because of no lessons and instructions , they won’t be able to acknowledge their wrongdoings, resulting in
this
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continuous behaviour.
For instance
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, streamers who are known for reckless
actions
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and brain rot content have recently been gaining popularity, and most of the audiences are children-based.
As a result
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, those are normalized and more
students
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started behaving
this
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way, both in school and
everyday
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in everyday
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life.
However
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, those
behaviours
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can be addressed by supervising the children’s use of the internet and their
actions
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. Doing so,
it
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apply
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ensures
the
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suitable content for them
while
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also
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moderating their
behaviours
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and quickly solving
this
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issue before they become attached to it.
Furthermore
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, punishing those with abnormality
,
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will create a clear understanding of the problem for the children, leading to less aggression and more polite
behaviours
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.
For example
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, if the pupils show disrespectful
actions
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toward the teacher and
students
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, school suspension can make them rethink their decision
while
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also
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notifying the
parents
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about
this
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issue, which can
further
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educate them. In conclusion, those
behaviours
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are primarily from their surroundings, specifically, the contents that
are promoting
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promote
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violence to children and the lack of observation from their
parents
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. In order to solve
this
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, educational systems need to have clear punishments for those
actions
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to discipline their
students
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and let the
parents
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know to prevent
further
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issues.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the issue and outlines the causes and solutions, but you could strengthen your thesis statement for better clarity on your overall argument.
task achievement
Make sure to define 'immature behaviours' more clearly at the beginning to guide your readers. This will enhance the understanding of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure more to enhance flow and engagement for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure the examples provided are directly relevant to the points you are making. Consider integrating them into the arguments more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to conclude with a broad statement about the importance of addressing these issues, as it will create a stronger impact.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant causes and solutions for student behaviour issues.
task achievement
You effectively use specific examples to illustrate the influence of internet content on student behaviour, which adds weight to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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