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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

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some parents buy their children a large number of
toys
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 to play with.
while
Linking Words
toys
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 can be benefical for childrens development . having too many couses problem.
this
Linking Words
 essay about advantages and disadvantages the child of having a large number of
toys
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. one advantage the many large
toys
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 helps childirens to make develop creativining and imagation.
toys
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 like building blocks :puzzle and skills having
childiren
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 new idea . another benefit is that
toys
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 can support childrens learning. many educational
toys
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 teacher numbers : letters and even science . these
toys
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 can make learning more enjoyable and helped
childiren
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 develop importanat skills at an early age . homever having to many
toys
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also
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 has disavantages . one major problem is hat
childiren
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 may become easily distraceted. when they have too many choies : they may struggle to focus on one toy for a long time another disavantage is that
childiren
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 may not appreciate the value of their
toys
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 . if they receive new
toys
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 all time ; they never learn the impotance of taking care of their belongings . in my opinion
toys
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 are of great impotance the childirens logical development. because if they playing whith fill in the blanks game very big shows an effect childirens brain.

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task achievement
Revise your introduction to present a clearer thesis statement, outlining the advantages and disadvantages more explicitly.
coherence cohesiion
Work on the logical flow of your ideas. Try to use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesiion
Be careful with spelling and grammar. Check for typos and grammatical mistakes to improve clarity.
task achievement
You have identified both advantages and disadvantages of having a large number of toys, which is important for a balanced response.
task achievement
You mention specific examples of types of toys and their benefits which adds depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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