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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

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In today’s consumer-driven society, many parents purchase numerous
toys
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 for their
children
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, believing it will contribute to their development and happiness.
While
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 having a variety of
toys
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 can offer educational and psychological benefits, excessive amounts may
also
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 lead to negative consequences.
This
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 essay will explore both the advantages and disadvantages of
children
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 owning a large
number
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 of
toys
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.
Additionally
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,
toys
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 can serve as an important tool for emotional and social development. Playing with dolls, action figures, or board games can encourage
children
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 to engage in role-playing and social interactions, which
improve
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improves
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 their communication and teamwork skills.
Moreover
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, when
children
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 have access to a variety of
toys
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, they are less likely to get bored, keeping them engaged and entertained for longer periods. Despite these benefits, an excessive
number
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 of
toys
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 can
also
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 have drawbacks. One major issue is that
children
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 may become overwhelmed and lose appreciation for what they have. When
children
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 receive too many
toys
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, they might quickly lose interest and constantly seek new ones, leading to a lack of gratitude and short attention spans.
Furthermore
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, an overabundance of
toys
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 can negatively impact a child’s ability to focus and develop patience.
Instead
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 of learning to concentrate on one activity for an extended period, they may frequently switch between
toys
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 without fully engaging with any of them.
This
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 could affect their ability to focus in school and other aspects of life. In conclusion,
while
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 having a variety of
toys
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 can support a child’s intellectual and emotional development, an excessive
number
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 can lead to issues
such
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 as short attention spans, lack of gratitude, and environmental concerns.
Therefore
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, parents should aim to provide a balanced
number
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 of
toys
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 that encourage learning and creativity without overwhelming their
children
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.

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task achievement
Consider incorporating more specific examples or statistics related to the benefits and drawbacks of having many toys. This will enhance your arguments and provide evidence to support your statements.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more varied linking words and phrases to improve the overall flow of the essay. This will help in smoothly transitioning between your points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction that outlines the topic and the main points to be discussed, which sets a strong foundation for your argument.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and offers a balanced view of the topic, reinforcing the arguments made in the body of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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