IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate school. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed school. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion

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In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, some people argue that it is more important to teach boys and girls in a different
school
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
however
Linking Words
, accept that young
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 and young
lady
Fix the agreement mistake
ladies
show examples
 capitalize more from learning mixed education environment.
However
Linking Words
, it is important to consider that
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 which have mixed
Use synonyms
genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
show examples
 setting are crucial for
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 mental development.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 that apply
one
Use synonyms
gender
Use synonyms
 regulation
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 play a key role in order to
preventing
Change the verb
prevent
show examples
 sexual misconduct
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
children
Use synonyms
. The
school
Use synonyms
 that regulates mixed
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 for
children
Use synonyms
 of all
genders
Use synonyms
 are most likely to enhance
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 psychological development. It helps the
children
Use synonyms
 to socialize with other
children
Use synonyms
 who have
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
gender
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a boy who
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 not
talk
Wrong verb form
talked
show examples
 to other
genders
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 his entire life
is tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to be shy
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 girls.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is critical for
children
Use synonyms
 to socialize with
opposite
Add an article
the opposite
show examples
gender
Use synonyms
 at
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age in order to encourage their
confident
Replace the word
confidence
show examples
.
The
Correct article usage
School
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 that apply
one
Use synonyms
gender
Use synonyms
 rule is
also
Linking Words
 contributing
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 safety. In many
shools
Correct your spelling
schools
show examples
, there is a particular
gender
Use synonyms
 that usually
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 a victim of bullying. It is ironic that people
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
such
Linking Words
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 age have
had experiencing
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trauma.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are many ways to prevent
such
Linking Words
 negative
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
, separating
children
Use synonyms
 might be the best solution as it
is prevent
Change the verb form
prevents
show examples
 several chances of bullying
to happen
Change preposition
from happening
show examples
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 day
one
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 who
likes
Change the verb form
like
show examples
 to dominate other kids at
school
Use synonyms
 think that intimidating other
children
Use synonyms
 sexually may
enjoying
Wrong verb form
enjoy
show examples
 it as it is
one
Use synonyms
 way to have fun.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
prevent
Wrong verb form
preventing
show examples
 the problem at first might be the best choice for
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 safety. In conclusion,
psychological
Correct article usage
the psychological
show examples
 development of
children
Use synonyms
 is influenced by their social environment with other
genders
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it is
worthy
Replace the word
worth
show examples
to consider
Change the verb form
considering
show examples
 that
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 safety which can
be acquire
Change the verb form
be acquired
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
one
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
gender
Use synonyms
school
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 critical for them.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction should clarify the contrasting views more explicitly. Present a clear thesis statement outlining your opinion in the introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words effectively to connect ideas more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Provide more detailed examples or explanations to support your claims. This will help strengthen your argument and demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
You present both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points made in the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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