IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
Linking Words
 fast-paced world, working
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 becoming a trend.
While
Linking Words
 some people believe that extra income can help children for their better upbringings
Linking Words
whereas
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there is an opposite argument that
absence
Correct article usage
the absence
show examples
 of
parents
Use synonyms
 can lead a child to bad habits.
This
Linking Words
 essay will analyze
both
Use synonyms
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 and express my opinion. On the
first
Correct word choice
other
show examples
 hand, If
father
Correct article usage
the father
show examples
 and mother
both
Use synonyms
 are working, it will support them to give their children a better quality
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
. They can educate their juniors from
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
 institutions.
Additionally
Linking Words
, with the exponential growth of
this
Linking Words
 world,
parents
Use synonyms
 can support their youngsters with expensive gadgets which will help them in their studies.
For instance
Linking Words
, studies have shown that working
parents
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 become role models for their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 by teaching them how to be
hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
, motivated and
independence
Replace the word
independent
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend has
dark
Add an article
a dark
show examples
 side too. Working
Use synonyms
both
Change preposition
with both
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 might lead their offspring to bad habits. With the lack of
Use synonyms
parents
Replace the word
parental
show examples
 support they can indulge
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 prone sites, gambling and so on. Juveniles can have
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
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 of depression and
lonliness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
due to
Linking Words
 not spending enough quality time with their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
both
Use synonyms
 point of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 have their own merits and demerits.
While
Linking Words
 I tend to believe that working
Use synonyms
both
Change preposition
with both
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 is OK if they spend enough family quality time and supervise their kids in each way as their studies,
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and habits.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider organizing your ideas more clearly in paragraphs. A clear structure helps the reader follow your argument better. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea.
task achievement
Strengthen your introduction by clearly stating your position on the issue. This gives the reader a roadmap of what to expect in your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points. Personal anecdotes or detailed examples would enhance your argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
You have successfully introduced the topic and explained both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexities involved.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of phrases like 'this trend has dark side too' shows a conversational tone that can engage the reader, making your points relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dual-income household
  • financial stability
  • extracurricular activities
  • role models
  • self-reliance
  • independent
  • emotional well-being
  • work-life balance
  • neglected
  • quality time
What to do next:
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