IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

rite about the following topic: Nowadays, many schools find it profitable to sell unhealthy food and sugary drinks to students during lunch breaks. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Food
Use synonyms
 is the essence of our life and our
food
Use synonyms
 habits
decides
Change the verb form
decide
show examples
 our energy, health and mindset. It's important that we teach our young generation that making
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 choices for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 is
really
Correct article usage
a really
show examples
 important part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life.
Whereas
Linking Words
, now
schools
Use synonyms
 selling these junk
food
Use synonyms
 items and sugary drinks is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 negative development and we will discuss the reasons below.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Schools
Use synonyms
 should promote only
food
Use synonyms
 products
those
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are good for health which means
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should be rich in proteins, nutrients and vitamins. If
schools
Use synonyms
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have only healthy versions of snacks available in
cafeteria
Add an article
the cafeteria
show examples
then
Linking Words
 students will have no choice but to choose from those items only to eat
somethig
Correct your spelling
something
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 lunch.
For instance
Linking Words
- If
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 canteen
will replace
Wrong verb form
replaces
show examples
 sugary drinks like pops or shakes with juice bottles or protein shakes
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be better for kid's health.
Moreover
Linking Words
, These
oganisations
Correct your spelling
organisations
 can arrange
workhops
Correct your spelling
workshops
 for students to teach them the importance of making
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 diet choices
according to
Linking Words
 the nutrient contents of
product
Add an article
the product
show examples
 and not always going for
good
Add an article
a good
the good
show examples
 taste that you can experience only for
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 minutes but it will have
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
 in
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 run. 
In addition
Linking Words
,
Schools
Use synonyms
 should arrange
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extra-curricular activities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 cooking where they will learn
making
Change the verb form
to make
show examples
 different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of meals for the day which are easy and
effecient
Correct your spelling
efficient
 to cook but
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 good
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of protein for the body. If learners
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have enough
knowldge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 of the kind of
food
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 necessary for their body, they will always have that thought in the back of their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
while
Linking Words
 deciding what to eat.
For example
Linking Words
, In my school, there used
be
Add the particle
to be
show examples
 a cooking without fire
nclub
Correct your spelling
club
where we were taught to make quick meals without using fire as that cannot be safe for young students and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 remember all the
recipies
Correct your spelling
recipes
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 date. In conclusion,
Schools
Use synonyms
 should put
immediate
Add an article
an immediate
show examples
 ban on junk
food
Use synonyms
 in the
schools
Use synonyms
 and give cafeteria
menu
Fix the agreement mistake
menus
show examples
 that they need to follow throughout the days of
week
Add an article
the week
show examples
. They can send notices to all the parents as well to stop sending street
food
Use synonyms
 or junk items in the lunch boxes.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Strengthen the clarity and development of your main points. Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus and expands on your ideas with examples.
coherence and cohesion
Transition words and linking phrases could improve the flow of your essay. Connecting your points more explicitly will enhance overall coherence.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the issue and provides pertinent suggestions for addressing the problem.
task achievement
You have included some relevant personal experiences, which adds depth and credibility to your argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: