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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

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There is an ongoing interest in leisure activities for
children
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. Most parents purchase
plethora
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a plethora
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 of
toys
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 for their
children
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. I will thoroughly analyze the benefits and the drawbacks of
this
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 action on a
child
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, in
this
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 essay, supported with relevant examples.
To begin
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, one crucial advantage of
children
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 having many
toys
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 is that it improves their manual dexterity.
This
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 means their ability to
carryout
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carry out
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 some movements with precision and skills. When youngsters have many
toys
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 like vehicles and crafts, they manipulate them with their hands,
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then
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and then
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 small muscles of the hands and fingers develop
overtime
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over time
show examples
.
This
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 helps them perform precise actions like grasping, twisting and pinching, which they acquire
eariler
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earlier
 compared to other pupils who do not have
variety
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a variety
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 of
toys
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. The latter often experience
delay
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delays
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 in milestones.
For instance
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, previously conducted surveys in schools in the southeastern part of Nigeria showed a wide variation in
development
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the development
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 age of fine motor coordination among pupils of
same
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the same
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 age grade. The less-privileged ones with little or no plaything grasped and twisted hands at
later
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a later
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 age,
whereas
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children
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 who had
large
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a large
the large
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 number of
it
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them
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 at their disposal, developed normally.
However
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, it is imperative to consider the downsides of teenagers having more than enough playthings . One most compelling is that they depend only on it for entertainment. To buttress
this
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, when a
child
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 has more than a required number of
toys
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,
such
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 as musical, sports, beach and sand
toys
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 etc; more often than not, they feel there is no need to engage in outdoor activities like swimming, soccer, running etc. These are essential for their physical development and well-being.
For example
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, a
child
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 who has
sport
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sports
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toys
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 as one of his collections might feel that using
it
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them
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 leisurely in his room is the same as playing outside, as long as
,
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apply
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he gets
same
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the same
a same
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 exhilarating feeling. Having large diverse
toys
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 evidently hinders
this
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child
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. In conclusion, with parents providing their youngsters with a lot of playthings, there are associated pros and cons. These include fostering fine motor coordination
,
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apply
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 and preferring only
toys
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 for fun respectively.

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Task Achievement
Try to provide a more balanced view by discussing more advantages and disadvantages in your essay. This will help strengthen your task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using paragraphs more effectively to separate different points clearly. Each paragraph could focus on one main idea and its relevant details.
General
Make sure to proofread for minor grammatical errors and typos, as correcting these can improve the overall clarity of your essay.
Structure
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and states the purpose of the essay, which is a strong start.
Content
The use of specific examples, such as the survey in Nigeria, adds credibility to your points about fine motor coordination.
Topic Vocabulary:
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