IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason for this? What are the effects of this habit?

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In today's world, some individuals take less rest or sleep as required in a day because
workload
Correct article usage
the workload
show examples
 in their personal and professional life has increased compared to the previous year.
Further
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 in
this
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 essay causes and effects will be elaborated with a sensible conclusion. On the one hand, there are plenty of reasons,
firstly
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,
due to
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 mobile technology, To demonstrate, they use cell phones overnight so their sleep cycle gets
distureb
Correct your spelling
disturb
disturbed
.
Secondly
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, watching late-night movies or coming at home late night from parties.
For instance
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, in a recent article on sleep which has been published by a doctor. Mentioned that 50% of people play e-sports at night so their sleep schedule gets interrupted.
On the other hand
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, not getting proper sleep can lead to various effects on the body and there will be
ahigh
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a high
high
 probability of side effects on the brain can develop migraine which is very harmful.
Moreover
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, being unable to concentrate on work or studies and feeling lazy can affect our objectives or goals.
Also
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 logical thinking
also
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 downhill.
For example
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, the World Health Organization has published
a
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apply
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research on
sleeping
Rephrase
how sleeping
show examples
 less can increase body weight.
To conclude
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, I strongly believe that, individuals must take basic sleep because less sleep can affect both mental and physical health.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the clarity of your arguments by connecting your ideas more fluidly, and ensuring each point is thoroughly explained.
task achievement
Make sure to give specific examples to support your points, ensuring they are directly related and clearly illustrated.
overall assessment
The essay presents a clear topic and structure, addressing both causes and effects of reduced sleep.
specific point
Your use of examples, such as the reference to the World Health Organization, adds credibility to your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • circadian rhythm
  • insomnia
  • digital distractions
  • screen time
  • artificial lighting
  • sleep cues
  • FOMO (fear of missing out)
  • noise pollution
  • work-life balance
  • globalized economy
  • sleep disturbances
  • prolonged exposure
  • demanding jobs
  • work culture
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