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Writing Samples
Band 8

The diagrams below show UK students' responses to the question of to what extent would they describe themselves as financially organised. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show UK students' responses to the question of to what extent would they describe themselves as financially organised. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The aforementioned pie chart and data illustrate the UK student response when asked whether they are organized or not when it comes to managing finances.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the majority of students
claim
Use synonyms
 that they are fairly organized,
whereas
Linking Words
 barely anyone says that they are not.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the statistics below show the students' ages and the percentage of them claiming that they are very organized. Getting into the details,
firstly
Linking Words
, 55% of individuals
claim
Use synonyms
 that they are fairly organized when it comes to managing finances.
Secondly
Linking Words
, 21% of people state that they are very organized, followed by the "not very organized" category with around 20% of mortals.
Finally
Linking Words
, only a mere 4% of mortals state that they are not at all organized.
In addition
Linking Words
, out of the 21% who
claim
Use synonyms
 to be very organized, 25% are aged up to 22 years. Meanwhile, 26% of individuals aged 23–25 think that they are very organized.
Lastly
Linking Words
, 49% of people over the age of 26
claim
Use synonyms
 the same.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words claim with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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