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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major citites with date opened, kilometres of route and passenger numbers per year in millions Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, making comparison where relevant.

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major citites with date opened, kilometres of route and passenger numbers per year in millions Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, making comparison where relevant.
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The given table
illustarates
Correct your spelling
illustrates
 the six primary metropolises that revealed the information regarding subway systems with
date
Correct article usage
the date
show examples
 opened, length of
route
Use synonyms
 in kilometres and passenger numbers annually. Generally speaking, the subway in London was opened earliest with the longest distance,
while
Linking Words
 Tokyo was a city
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 recorded the largest
number
Use synonyms
 of
passengers
Use synonyms
 annually. In terms of
date
Correct article usage
the date
show examples
 opened and
length
Correct article usage
the length
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
route
Add an article
the route
show examples
,
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
London was the first metropolis
opening
Change the verb form
to open
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 subway system during the end of
19th
Correct article usage
the 19th
show examples
 century, it
traveled
Change the spelling
travelled
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the longest distance, recording
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
394 kilometres. Paris
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
enjoyed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place that
opened
Wrong verb form
opening
show examples
 the underground railway system by 1900 with the second longest distance on its
route
Use synonyms
, comprising 199 kilometres. Meanwhile, the remaining cities, including Tokyo (1927), Washington DC (1976), Kyoto (1981), and Los Angeles (2001) opened their subways during the 20th and 21st
century
Fix the agreement mistake
centuries
show examples
 and covered shorter distances of their
route
Use synonyms
 compared to those cities where their subways opened earlier.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, by considering the
number
Use synonyms
 of
passengers
Use synonyms
anually
Correct your spelling
annually
,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 capital city of Japan, Tokyo, was popular and carried the largest
number
Use synonyms
 of
passengers
Use synonyms
, at 1928
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
 per year.
Similarly
Linking Words
, though less dramatic, London and Paris had a remarkable
number
Use synonyms
 of
passengers
Use synonyms
, at 775
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 for the former and 1191
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
 for the latter. Meanwhile, the total
number
Use synonyms
 of
passengers
Use synonyms
 carried by subways in Washington DC, Kyoto, and Los
Angeled
Correct your spelling
Angeles
show examples
 were relatively minor, accounting for 144, 45, and 50
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
passengers
Use synonyms
, respectively.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words route, number, passengers, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • underground railway systems
  • date opened
  • kilometres of route
  • passenger numbers per year
  • summarise
  • main features
  • comparison
  • relevant
  • oldest
  • recent additions
  • route length
  • network
  • transport
  • massive
  • annually
  • comparatively shorter
  • follows closely behind
  • lowest number
  • second highest
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