IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that if
Use synonyms
price
Add an article
the price
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 of
petrol
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 is increased
then
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traffic
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 and
pollution
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 will be reduced. I
diagree
Correct your spelling
disagree
agree
 with the given statement and my reasons will be explained below with some other effective solutions to these two problems. There are many reasons why
people
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 feel that increasing
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price
Correct article usage
the price
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 of fuel will minimize all the problems.
Firstly
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, if prices are increased
then
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 it will be very difficult for
middle class
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middle-class
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 men to afford
petrol
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, it would not have any effect on rich individuals. Many
people
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 cannot take public transport as it takes a lot of time.
Moreover
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, it will be very difficult for industries to operate as
petrol
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 is used everywhere.
This
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 will reduce the production of goods and services.
Hence
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,
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
show examples
 in
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price
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the price
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 of
petrol
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 is not the best way to control
pollution
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 and
traffic
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. There are many solutions but they are not easy.
To begin
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 with,
government
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the government
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 can improve the public transport system by making it more affordable and quick so that more
people
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 are encouraged to use it.
This
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 will help reduce the
traffic
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 congestion on roads. They can
also
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built
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build
be built
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 eco-friendly cars which use CNG and electricity which do not cause much
pollution
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.
Furthermore
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,
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
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 of
petrol
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 should be limited by industries and try using its alternatives which do not cause harm to the environment.
To conclude
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,
although
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increasing
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the increasing
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price
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 of
petrol
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 is not the ideal solution yet there are many different ways we can tackle the problem of
traffic
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 and
pollution
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.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear in stating your viewpoint; however, you could strengthen your thesis statement by summarizing the main points you will cover in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
While your paragraphs are generally logically structured, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Consider using clearer linking phrases to enhance the flow of your arguments.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments, particularly when discussing alternatives to increasing petrol prices. This would enhance the overall clarity and relevance of your ideas.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument against the assertion that increasing petrol prices is the best solution to traffic and pollution issues.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes your view and hints at alternative solutions, showing that you have considered the problem from multiple angles.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Discourage
  • Incentivize
  • Alternative energy
  • Public transportation
  • Lower-income
  • Carpool
  • Ride-sharing
  • Congestion
  • Urban planning
  • Pedestrian-friendly
  • Tax incentives
  • Electric and hybrid vehicles
  • Emissions standards
  • Cleaner vehicles
  • Congestion charges
  • Bicycle lanes
  • Sustainable
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