IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. To what extent do you agree? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer.

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Many individuals prefer to read
books
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 to enhance their
creativity
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 and develop better
skills
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,
whereas
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 others choose to engage in
activities
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 with a
child
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 to improve their
skills
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 and
creativity
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before reaching a conclusion. On one hand,
books
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 stimulate deep thinking, encourage
creativity
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, and enhance not only vocabulary but
also
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 reading
skills
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.
Moreover
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, reading
books
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 about science or documentaries improves a person's critical thinking
skills
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 and broadens their knowledge.
Books
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also
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 help individuals relax when they are stressed.
For instance
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, when someone feels overwhelmed by work or studies, they can pick up a book and read, which helps them relax, clear their mind, and enhance their
skills
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 at the same time.
On the other hand
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, engaging in
activities
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 with a
child
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,
such
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 as building with Lego or doing arts and crafts, enhances both the
child
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's and the adult’s
creativity
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 and critical thinking
skills
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.
Moreover
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, interactive
activities
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 provide hands-on experience, making learning more engaging and practical.
For example
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, when a parent and
child
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 work together to build a complex Lego structure, they must plan, problem-solve, and think critically, which enhances their
creativity
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 and logical reasoning. These
activities
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also
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 strengthen emotional bonds and improve problem-solving
skills
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, as they require individuals to think outside the box. In my opinion,
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while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
engaging in
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 with a
child
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 can increase logical thinking and
creativity
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. Reading a book
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 about the world or a
study based
Add a hyphen
study-based
show examples
 book helps
creates
Wrong verb form
create
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a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better logical reasoning,
creativity
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 and a higher level of vocabulary.

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task achievement
Ensure a clear and definitive stance in your answer to strengthen your argument. Your opinion is somewhat vague and could be made clearer.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay flows reasonably, it could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will improve the overall coherence of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Include a stronger conclusion that not only summarizes your essay but reinforces your main argument more emphatically about the importance of either reading or engaging in activities with children.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both perspectives, which demonstrates critical thinking.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, like building with Lego, effectively supports your points on creativity and skills development.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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