IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep course? What can be done about lack of sleep?

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In recent years, many
people
Use synonyms
 have expressed their concerns about
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of good-quality sleep.
This
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 trend can affect
people
Use synonyms
's physical and mental health,
however
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by
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apply
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taking
proactives
Correct your spelling
proactive
 steps like reduced
screen
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 time and work-life balance can help to combat
this
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 menace.
This
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 essay will explore the
after effects
Correct your spelling
aftereffects
show examples
 of lack of better sleep and effective solutions to the same.
To begin
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 with, one of the major problems caused by improper sleep
cycle
Fix the agreement mistake
cycles
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 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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physical health issues. The absence of good sleep can
results
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result
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 in high blood pressure, leading to cause cardiovascular diseases.
Additionally
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, obesity is
also
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 an overlooked
affect
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effect
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 of insomnia.
Although
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, restricting
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
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 of
mobliephones
Correct your spelling
mobile phones
 and other
screen
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 times before bed can help to build a better sleep routine without straining the brain. On account of the blue light emitted from the
screen
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 that disrupts melatonin production which helps in
regulate
Wrong verb form
regulating
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 sleeping.
Therefore
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, reading a book
instead
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 of
use
Wrong verb form
using
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 of
mobilephones
Correct your spelling
phones
 can help to fall asleep much faster.
Furthermore
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, another significant
affect
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effect
show examples
 of sleep deprivation is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental health issues. The increased work
stress
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 and poor lifestyle choices,
such
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 as excessive
coffeine
Correct your spelling
caffeine
 consumption can make it harder to fall asleep.
The work
Correct article usage
Work
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stress
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 can keep the mind active preventing relaxation and restful sleep,
thus
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 it can build a lot of
stress
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 and anxiety in the
individuals
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individual's
individuals'
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lives
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life
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, resulting in burnout and depression.
For
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this
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 reason,
people
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 should try to create a work-life balance by prioritising their mental well-being.
This
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 can done by eliminating building up
stress
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 through meditation,
such
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 as yoga and deep breathing exercises. By
this
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 means, individuals can
focous
Correct your spelling
focus
 on
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 lives outside their job. In conclusion, lack of adequate sleep can derive from
poor
Correct article usage
a poor
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 lifestyle,
excessive
Correct word choice
and excessive
show examples
screen
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 time,
while
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 it can affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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 physically
as well as
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 mentally.
Thus
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, adopting healthier sleep routines by meditation and limiting
screen
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expoure
Correct your spelling
exposure
 can significantly improve one's sleep quality and
overall
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 well-being.

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strength
The introduction provides a clear overview of the essay topic and outlines the main ideas. However, consider using a more engaging opening statement to draw the reader in more effectively.
improvement
Ensure that your paragraphs have a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea, making the logical flow easier for the reader to follow.
improvement
You mentioned some issues caused by lack of sleep, but you could benefit from providing more specific examples or studies to support your claims on physical and mental health effects.
improvement
Make sure to use consistent terminology, like 'screen time' instead of 'screen times' and check for pluralization to maintain clarity.
strength
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the points discussed, but reinforcing the importance of sleep with a call to action or a memorable closing thought could enhance its impact.
strength
The awareness of the topic regarding lack of sleep and its consequences is evident and shows relevance to contemporary issues.
strength
You provided practical solutions to the issue, such as meditation and reducing screen time, which add value to your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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