IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

your apartment manger is surveying your opinion about the swimming pool in your building. currently, your building has a swimming pool, but is really old and needs to be renovated. some tenants prefer to have small gym instead of a pool. the apartment manager has aked you complete an opinion survey.

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In my opinion, building a gymnasium in our building would be the most suitable option for all tenants.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the majority of the building's residents are seniors, and
exercise
Use synonyms
 is essential for their health and well-being.
This
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 project would be especially convenient for those who currently
exercise
Use synonyms
 outdoors in the
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
 each morning.
For example
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,
last
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 week, I saw Joyce jogging on the street and nearly got bitten by a dog during her routine.
Secondly
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, the weather in Vancouver is often
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
show examples
 for outdoor
exercise
Use synonyms
. With temperatures hovering around 5°C for seven months, it becomes difficult for people to
exercise
Use synonyms
 outside. In fact, 2024 saw the lowest temperatures of
this
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 century,
further
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 emphasizing the need for an indoor gymnasium.
Lastly
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, maintaining gym equipment is more cost-effective than maintaining a pool.
For instance
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, a pool requires constant maintenance, including water replacement, sanitizing, and daily cleaning
due to
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 leaves falling from surrounding trees.
In contrast
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, gym equipment requires minimal upkeep,
such
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 as occasional painting every three years. In conclusion, constructing a gymnasium would be the best choice for the building. It would keep residents safe and active,
while
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also
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 being more practical and cost-efficient in terms of maintenance.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to reinforce your arguments, particularly regarding the gym's benefits beyond safety and convenience.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to your main argument and develops the ideas fully for better logical flow.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your preference for building a gymnasium, and your arguments are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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