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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below show the percentage of British student at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.

The chart below show the percentage of British student at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.
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The pie charts illustrate the proportion of the reasons for travel through four
airports
Use synonyms
 in the UK in 2016. All the charts are represented as percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, The majority of
indivduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 travelled in order to visit friends or family, with the proportion of 30%, 50%, 14% and 46%, respectively through Gatwick, Luton,
Heathrow
Use synonyms
 and Stansted,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest figure is recorded in the other sector, with
approximatelty
Correct your spelling
approximately
 14% in all
airports
Use synonyms
, expect to figures in
Heathrow
Use synonyms
 which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 35%.
It is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the second
most
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
category
Correct word choice
important category
show examples
 which motivated
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
UK citizens to travel was holidays, the figures depict it was almost
one-thirt
Correct your spelling
one-third
one-thirty
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the passengers in each
transits
Change to a singular noun
transit
show examples
expect
Correct your spelling
except
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Gatwick(54%).
Similarly
Linking Words
, the third highest category was business people, it contributed
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the ratios, with
slighlty
Correct your spelling
slightly
 more
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 one-tenth respect to the total passengers.
However
Linking Words
, it is
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 that the people in
Heathrow
Use synonyms
, the tendency to business travel was more than twice
compared
Change preposition
as compared
show examples
 to the rest of the three
airports
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, another vital feature
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Heathrow
Use synonyms
 is,
it
Correct word choice
that it
show examples
 has been used more
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 other purposes with the figure at 33%,
whereas
Linking Words
 other
Use synonyms
airports
Change noun form
airports'
airport's
show examples
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
are lies
Wrong verb form
lie
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between approximately 2%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words airports, heathrow with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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