IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Due to population growth many people these days live in apartments with limited space and no outdoor areas. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh Its disadvantages?

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As a result
Linking Words
 of
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 population today, many people are living in penthouses with restricted
space
Use synonyms
 and no outdoor areas.
This
Linking Words
 essay intends to discuss the benefits of
this
Linking Words
 situation. The advantages of
this
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 trend outweigh its disadvantages. There are many reasons why it is beneficial to live in an
apartment
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, due
contruction
Correct your spelling
construction
 of these buildings there is more
space
Use synonyms
 left for trees. In an
apartment
Use synonyms
 building, houses
are build
Change the verb form
are built
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 on top of one another which uses less
space
Use synonyms
 on the ground which leads to less cutting of trees and plants. More
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
establishment done for residential houses there will be more deforestation in an area which is very harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 the environment.
Thus
Linking Words
, living in an
apartment
Use synonyms
 is very beneficial for the planet.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there is more security in penthouses. The
apartment
Use synonyms
 premises generally have security cameras and security guards on duty so that no intruder can enter the building. Nobody can come inside unless they have the key or if somebody gives them access to enter.
Moreover
Linking Words
, penthouses are more affordable to purchase than one's own home. So people prefer to live in those even if they have confined
space
Use synonyms
 and no outdoor area.
To conclude
Linking Words
, living in apartments is more easy and convenient as it is more safe and affordable and
also
Linking Words
 it is good for
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced view by discussing some disadvantages of living in apartments, as your argument mainly focuses on the advantages.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly define what you mean by 'penthouses' since the term usually refers to top-floor luxury apartments; consider using 'apartments' or 'flats' instead.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance the logical flow, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point that relates directly to your thesis statement.
content
Good use of examples to illustrate the advantages of apartment living, particularly regarding environmental benefits and security.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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