IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the advent of technology, like the mobile phone and internet, has brought families closer. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that the advancement of communication
technology
Use synonyms
 can make the relationship between families get closer. Basically,
this
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 essay agrees with that thought even though there are still some negative effects if the
technology
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does
Verb problem
is
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 not
be
Verb problem
apply
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used properly.
Technology
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 has been helping us to
do
Verb problem
apply
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communication
Replace the word
communicate
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 effectively and efficiently. It can make us
to
Change the verb form
apply
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communicate with our partner just right in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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real time
Add a hyphen
real-time
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.
For example
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, in the
past
Add a comma
past,
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 it took several days for us to send a letter via post office. But now, we can send an electronic mail (e-mail) and it will be delivered by the receiver only in seconds.
Therefore
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, it can be said that
technology
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such
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 as
Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 can shorten the distance
of
Change preposition
between
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people
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, including their families.
However
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, in spite of its advantages,
the
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apply
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technology
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 can
also
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 make someone’s relationship
getting
Verb problem
apply
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worse. By spending more time
use
Wrong verb form
using
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 telecommunication
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
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,
people
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 often forget to build and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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maintain interaction with their family or close
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
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.
For example
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, by using
internet
Add an article
the internet
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,
people
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 can do anything
such
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 as shopping,
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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, and
read
Wrong verb form
reading
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news
Add an article
the news
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. They can spend their whole time behind their working desk or sofa.
This
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 can make
people
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be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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more individualistic and forget to communicate and make a connection directly to their surroundings. In conclusion, using
technology
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 on
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand can give advantages for
people
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 so that they can
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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 their tasks easily.
But
Correct word choice
On
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on the other hand
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, if it is not used wisely,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
Use synonyms
also
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 can make the relationship between
family getting
Wrong verb form
families
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 worse because it can hinder
people
Use synonyms
to interact
Change preposition
from interacting
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each
Change preposition
with each
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 other, including
to
Change preposition
apply
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their families.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure clear topic sentences for each paragraph to strengthen the logical flow of your argument.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your main points, enhancing the depth of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Refine your sentences to eliminate awkward phrasing and improve clarity, for instance, "make the relationship between families get closer" could be rephrased for clarity.
task achievement
You effectively introduced the topic and clearly stated your position on the matter.
task achievement
The discussion of both pros and cons demonstrates a balanced perspective on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your points well, reinforcing your argument effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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