IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

many elderly people are no long looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

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Old pensioners
no
Add a missing verb
are no
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 longer taken
care
Use synonyms
 of by their family members,
instead
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, they are sent to geriatric
care
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 homes.
While
Linking Words
 nursing homes are more advanced in taking
care
Use synonyms
 of
an
Correct article usage
apply
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elderly
individual
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individuals
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, there are certain negative points of
this
Linking Words
 action. Both sides will be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay. On one hand, elderly people benefit from constant supervision by professional healthcare givers in nursing
home
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homes
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, which significantly reduces the risk of injuries.
This
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 is particularly important for those with limited mobility or certain health issues
such
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 as osteoporosis which is
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 common issue among old people.
For instance
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, if an elderly person with balance problems lives alone, they might fall and hurt themselves.
However
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, staff can prevent falls by offering
assitance
Correct your spelling
assistance
and providing
safer
Correct article usage
a safer
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envorenment
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environment
environments
 in
care
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 homes. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand, long-term
care
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 facilities may increase the risk of certain conditions like Alzheimer's or dementia
due to
Linking Words
 limited cognitive stimulation. Despite the fact of the highly structured environment ,
there
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 may not provide old people with the necessary mental challenges to stimulate particular
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 of the brain.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, a resident in a nursing home might not receive enough mental or physical exercise, which could lead to
decline
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a decline
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 in cognitive functions over time.
Altough
Correct your spelling
Although
 some facilities are working to integrate more engaging activities ,the risk remains for those who do not receive specialized
care
Use synonyms
 for dementia. In conclusion, the elder individuals are not looked after any more by their own family members. Even though
this
Linking Words
 action has some benefits in their lifetime, there are certain risks for them.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to maintain a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Transition words or phrases can help guide the reader from one point to the next more smoothly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or details in your arguments to strengthen your points. This will enhance your task achievement score.
task achievement
You presented relevant points and examples that support your argument about the advantages and disadvantages of care homes for the elderly.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and presents the main points that will be discussed in the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Professional care
  • Medical attention
  • Trained staff
  • Social interaction
  • Combat loneliness
  • Safety and security
  • Relief for families
  • Loss of autonomy
  • Emotional impact
  • Cost
  • Financial strain
  • Quality of care
  • Neglect and abuse
  • Detachment from family
  • Mental wellbeing
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