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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
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The graph
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 CHANGE THE VERB FORM illustrates The plural verb illustrate does not appear to agree with the singular subject The graph. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement. show examples
both
Use synonyms
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 between age 60-64, that are still in their job in
Austalia
Correct your spelling
Australia
show examples
,
Japan
Use synonyms
, USA and
Use synonyms
Beigium
Correct your spelling
Belgium
 in three decades.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Japan
Use synonyms
dispalys
Correct your spelling
represented
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
show examples
 with
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 percentage in 1970,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Beigium
Use synonyms
represent
Wrong verb form
represented
show examples
 the lowest number in 2000, which
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 only 19,
Likewise
Linking Words
, women in
Japan
Use synonyms
count
Wrong verb form
counted
show examples
 more than the four nations, with
Beigium
Use synonyms
displays
Wrong verb form
displaying
show examples
almost
Correct article usage
an almost
show examples
 equal low percentage in
both
Use synonyms
 years. in
Japan
Use synonyms
, the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men hit 84 in 1970, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 it the highest one out of
four
Correct article usage
the four
show examples
countery
Correct your spelling
countries
, As
will
Correct your spelling
well
show examples
 as, the
Use synonyms
Beigium
Correct your spelling
Belgium
nearly
Add a missing verb
was nearly
show examples
 equal to
Japan
Use synonyms
 in 1970, but it showed the lowest number in 2000.
However
Linking Words
, the Australia and USA
represent
Verb problem
had
show examples
 nearly
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 result in
both
Use synonyms
 years, which
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 74-73 and 55-47 in 1970 and 2000 respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, women in
Japan
Use synonyms
 show the biggest percentages among the others, with the same counts in
both
Use synonyms
 years, At the same time, the USA is just below
Japan
Use synonyms
 in
both
Use synonyms
 results.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Australia
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 about equal numbers in 1970 and 2000.
in contrast
Linking Words
 to Belgium which provides the most down count in each year.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words both, japan, beigium with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrate" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "represent" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment rate
  • Percentage
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Fluctuation
  • Gender disparity
  • Trend
  • Decline
  • Improvement
  • Variation
  • Noteworthy
  • Aligned
  • Comparative analysis
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