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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000
The charts explain the percentages of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 aged 60-64 in employment in four different countries in 1970 and 2000 .
According to
Linking Words
 the
charts
Add a comma
charts,
show examples
 there were compared between people aged 60-64 in the works in 4 different places .
However
Linking Words
 , in Australia in 2000 the
men
Use synonyms
 worker were 47%
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
women
Correct article usage
the women
show examples
 were 19% , In 1970 boys were 74% when the girls were 18% , As we see there were low percentages
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
women
Use synonyms
employment
Replace the word
employed
show examples
 than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 . In
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
show examples
also
Linking Words
 the rates of
men
Use synonyms
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 in both years are higher than
women
Use synonyms
 . In the USA there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
Correct article usage
a decreased
show examples
decreased
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
 in rates of both employment than in Japan and Australia .
Finally
Linking Words
 the
low
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 one in
this
Linking Words
charts
Fix the agreement mistake
chart
show examples
 were
women
Use synonyms
 in Beigium
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the percentage in
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2000 was 7% and in 1970 was 8% . The
last
Linking Words
 one
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 the
men
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 country in the 1970

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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