IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child‘s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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There are split opinions regarding child growth. Some believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 have the most important role in a child’s development,
while
Linking Words
 another community of thinkers think that other things like television and
friends
Use synonyms
 have a significant influence.
However
Linking Words
, both have their pros and cons.
Therefore
Linking Words
, before commenting on my decision, both opinions will be discussed. Examining the former opinion, the primary argument
of
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apply
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the supporters would put forward is that
parents
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in the personal growth and behaviour of their children.
This
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 is because they spend most of the
time
Use synonyms
 with their children and they are the only ones who understand them better about their needs.
In addition
Linking Words
, they
also
Linking Words
 believe that the parent's behaviour and habits make their children a responsible citizen. The reason is that they had watched their
parents
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' habits and behaviour on several occasions during their childhood
time
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 and they
adopt
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adopted
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 those things in their personal
life
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lives
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 over
the
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apply
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time
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 and
emerge
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emerged
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 as
an
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apply
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individual
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the second opinion discusses the reverse side, which is that social media and the company of
friends
Use synonyms
 have a significant influence on
the
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apply
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children’s future.
Because after
Correct word choice
After
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 their
parents
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, child spend
their
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the
show examples
 rest of
the
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their
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time
Use synonyms
 either with
friends
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 or on social media and that decides the future of the individual’s career.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if their companions are better than them,
then
Linking Words
 they will become successful in their field.
To conclude
Linking Words
 and give my opinion, I would say that
friends
Use synonyms
 and social media have a major impact on a child’s growth, and I would opine that balancing both views is more rational.

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task achievement
Your introduction effectively outlines the issue and suggests that both perspectives will be discussed. However, you could provide a clearer thesis statement that directly indicates your opinion and how it relates to both views.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using linking phrases to clarify the relationships between your points, particularly between the arguments for parents and the influence of friends and media.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points, particularly regarding the influence of friends and media. This would strengthen your argument and make it more compelling.
content
You've successfully identified and expressed both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • foundational role
  • holistic development
  • direct influence
  • emotional growth
  • moral values
  • discipline
  • significant influence
  • behavior
  • perspectives
  • profound impact
  • social skills
  • balancing
  • screen time
  • peer interaction
  • parental guidance
  • explores their independence
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