IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There is too much noise in many public places in cities.What are the causes of this problem? What can be done to solve the problem?

Nowadays,
while
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 technological developments and people are living in urban areas, some cities are facing
lot
Change the article
a lot
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 of issues,
such
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 as congested roads or even the parks are no longer a quiet
place
Use synonyms
.
However
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, the population is still increasing.
Therefore
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, governments should deal with the problem by improving the countryside places.
Firstly
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, one of the major purposes that force people to live in a city is the work field.
In other words
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, in an unurbanised
place
Use synonyms
, there is a lack in finding a job with a salary that can hold a family. By which, they are heading to a town or a city to secure
a
Correct article usage
apply
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high payback work.
For instance
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, China is the largest country regarding population.
Nevertheless
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, the places that
suffers
Change the verb form
suffer
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 from noise pollution
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 either the capital or
manufactoring
Correct your spelling
manufacturing
 regions.
Secondly
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, a solution that can be applied is to improve the
greenspaces
Correct your spelling
green spaces
show examples
. To illustrate, having other attractions can
reduse
Correct your spelling
reduce
 the noise in many places around the city and could be a tourist
place
Use synonyms
 that may benefit the government financially,
as a result
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. Some
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
 that
suffers
Change the verb form
suffer
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 from
this
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 problem are using
this
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 kind of solution to provide a nice and quiet
place
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their citizens. The Line project in Saudi is a great example, by which the main point of
this
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 project is to create an area with public services similar to the urban sector. In conclusion, the problem of noise in a park or streets may seem unsolvable to the public.
Whereas
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 the key,
such
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 as using the unurbanised
sectores
Correct your spelling
sectors
, is easy to execute.

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Task Achievement
Work on providing a clearer and more specific thesis statement in the introduction that directly addresses the causes of noise pollution and suggested solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use connectors and cohesive devices more effectively to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, making it easier for the reader to follow your ideas.
General
Be careful with spelling and grammar to enhance the overall presentation of your ideas, as errors can distract from your message.
Task Achievement
You have identified the causes of noise pollution and provided some potential solutions, which shows a good understanding of the task requirements.
Task Achievement
The use of examples, such as the population situation in China and The Line project in Saudi Arabia, adds depth to your discussion.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • noise pollution
  • urbanization
  • population density
  • traffic congestion
  • infrastructure development
  • public announcement systems
  • street performances
  • noise regulations
  • soundproof materials
  • public transportation
  • designated quiet zones
  • green spaces
  • buffer zones
  • public awareness
  • community efforts
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