TD's Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

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In the world of competition, some people
decided
Wrong verb form
decide
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to run their own
business
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rather than working for a company, I think there are more advantages of starting their own
business
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than disadvantages. Starting with advantages, people with their own
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business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can earn more profits because they
are not rely
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do not rely
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on the hourly pay
that is
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being decided by the companies
according to
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rankings . Their profit depends on
there
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their
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work and how much time they have invested in their
business
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.
However
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, there
is
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are
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no fixed working hours in own
business
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, the owner can set up their working hours
according to
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there
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their
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flexibility and she or he can take off anytime whenever she or he
want
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wants
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. Moving forward with disadvantages, starting
own
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your own
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business
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is not that
much
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apply
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easy , people have to invest
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
of money and it is very hectic to handle a
business
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because nowadays with the advancement of technology , every
business
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need
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needs
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some electronics and they
also
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need monthly repairments and all these things are done by the owner . in
conlusion
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conclusion
, opening their own
business
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has more advantages than disadvantages.

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task response
Your introduction presents a clear opinion, but consider providing a brief overview of the main points you will cover. This will enhance clarity and provide a roadmap for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be clearer. Aim for concise expressions to avoid confusion. For instance, instead of 'there is no fixed working hours in own business', you could say, 'there are no fixed working hours in running your own business'.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious with grammar (e.g., 'alot' should be 'a lot', 'own business' to 'one's own business'). Minor errors can accumulate and affect clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion restates your opinion clearly, which reinforces your position in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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