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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart illustrates the amount of men and women engaged in
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 in Britain during three different
time
Use synonyms
 periods. The amount of
females
Use synonyms
 studying
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
displays
Verb problem
has
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 in number throughout the years. In the year 1970/1971, only a small proportion of
females
Use synonyms
 were enrolled in
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 more than 600,000
females
Use synonyms
 were doing
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 in the same
time
Use synonyms
 period.
This
Linking Words
 trend exhibits an upward movement in the following
time
Use synonyms
 periods. A total of more than 1 million and 200,000
females
Use synonyms
 sought
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 respectively by 1990/1991.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, males showed a similar pattern as that of
females
Use synonyms
 in regard to
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 proportion increased from almost 100,000 to more than 200,000 by
final
Correct article usage
the final
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 period. Another striking incident is that the
male
Correct quantifier usage
number of male
show examples
 participants in
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 diminished upon reaching 1980/81. Both male and female candidates
exhibits
Change the verb form
exhibit
show examples
 a rise in participating
Change preposition
in full
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
, a more number of
females
Use synonyms
 than males started studying
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in 1990/91.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words education, time, females, part with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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