IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal questions such as their hobbies and interest, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Discuss both side and give your opinion.

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When being interviewed there are certain questions
that
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is
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are
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 asked like what you enjoy doing other than
work
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 and your marital status. Some
people
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 believe these questions are important to learn more about the candidate. In my opinion, it is relevant to most careers and it gives the employer a better
idee
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idea
 of the
person
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.
Firstly
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, some
people
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 may feel it
is bias
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is biased
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 to
as
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ask
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 these questions in an interview. If the
person
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 has the right qualifications and experience it should not matter what hobbies they have outside of
work
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.
For
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instance
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instance,
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applaying
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applying
 for
work
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 as a retailer or
a
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an
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 office position there is no reason for
they
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the
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person
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 hiring to know your personal relationship details.As long as
personal
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your personal
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 life does not affect your
work
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 it is irrelevant if you are in a
cummited
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committed
 relationship or single.
Secondly
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, other
people
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 feel it is quite appropriate to know these things about the applicant. When applying for a
cetain
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certain
 job the employer needs to consider if the
person
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 is a good fit and will remain with the long term. A company needs to hire
people
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that is
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 reliable and trustworthy
therefore
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, having a stable partner can be
an
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a
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 benefit. For
eample
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example
 when considered for a position that might need you to travel often
they
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the
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 interviewer will want to know if it will impact your personal relationship or not.
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Also
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Also,
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 appropriate hobbies
shows
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show
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 you are a well-rounded individual. In conclusion, it should be the
employers
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employer's
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 right to know these things about the
person
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 being hired and could be
as
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apply
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a huge advantage to the applicant being interviewed for the position.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide a clear argument for both sides of the discussion. You briefly mentioned both views but could expand on them with more detailed examples or explanations.
coherence
Improve the organization of your ideas by clearly separating your arguments for each side. Use paragraphing to distinguish between the opposing views more distinctly.
coherence
Enhance the variety and complexity of your sentence structures to improve the overall flow and coherence of your writing. Avoid repetitive sentence beginnings and language.
task achievement
You present a clear personal opinion on the topic, which is an important aspect of the task.
task achievement
Your essay attempts to engage with both sides of the argument, which shows awareness of the task requirements.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prospective employee
  • company culture
  • job performance
  • marital status
  • professional abilities
  • intrusive questions
  • biased hiring process
  • personal characteristics
  • unique professional skills
  • right to privacy
  • power imbalance
  • qualifications
  • compatibility
  • professional achievements
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