IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal questions such as their hobbies and interest, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Discuss both side and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, it
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
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 a trend
for asking
Change preposition
to ask
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 for personal information in an interview
such
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 as an employee's hobby,
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
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 and marital status. Some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 see these as useful
questions
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 to ask.
While
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 others and I believe that
this
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 type of information is irrelevant.
This
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 assignment indeed describes both perspectives. Many
people
Use synonyms
in
Add a missing verb
are in
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 favour of asking personal
questions
Use synonyms
 in
Correct article usage
the employees
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employees
Fix the agreement mistake
employee
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 hiring process. Proponents of
this
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 view suggest that
this
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 will help the hiring department
for seeking
Change preposition
to seek
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 the best
people
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 for their company.
Questions
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 like hobby and interest tell a lot of detail about a
person
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.
For instance
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, if an individual plays multiple instruments
then
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 he/she is a multitasking
person
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 and
this
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 will
use
Wrong verb form
be used
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 in project management, where an employee needs different things at a time. In fact, a recent study in America
told
Verb problem
said
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 that
people
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 who play video games are very quick in making a decision that will help in the fire department and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 services that involve sharp movement.
However
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, others, including myself think that companies should not choose employees on the basis of these
questions
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. Sometimes,
people
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 feel different in
personal
Correct pronoun usage
their personal
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 and professional
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Many youngsters are lazy and mostly spend their time on a smartphone. When they do some physical activity
then
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 they work as a very energetic
person
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.
For example
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, in an interview, a young adult does not have any hobby or interest in their life.
However
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, their skill of solving a problem in computer software is extraordinary. If an employer rejects him/her on the basis of their lazy and non-interesting personality
then
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 it is a great loss for a company. In conclusion, asking a personal question is not telling the full information about a
person
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. Employers should ask about their
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
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,
what
Correct word choice
and what
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 position they need
an
Change preposition
for an
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 employee and
asking
Wrong verb form
ask
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question
Fix the agreement mistake
questions
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according to
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this
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. That will help to find a suitable
person
Use synonyms
 for their job.

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Task Achievement
The introduction effectively sets up the discussion and states your opinion, but could be clearer. Try to rephrase to directly indicate that you will examine both sides before sharing your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
There are some issues with the spelling and structure of some sentences. Pay close attention to grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity.
Task Achievement
Try to include more diverse examples to support your points. You mentioned video games, for instance, but additional examples could strengthen your arguments.
Task Achievement
You have provided a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for this type of essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The use of specific examples, such as playing instruments and video games, adds depth to your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • prospective employee
  • company culture
  • job performance
  • marital status
  • professional abilities
  • intrusive questions
  • biased hiring process
  • personal characteristics
  • unique professional skills
  • right to privacy
  • power imbalance
  • qualifications
  • compatibility
  • professional achievements
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