IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
men
Use synonyms
smokers
Use synonyms
 in seven
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
along
Change preposition
around
show examples
 the world between 2000 and 2015. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
general, the number of
smokers
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 from 2000 to 2015 but except in Egypt and Lebanon was increased between 2000 and 2015. By the way, America had the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of adult male
smokers
Use synonyms
 and Australia
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
. Having looked at the bar chart, we can see that the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of American
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 who smoked
was reach
Change the verb form
was reached
was reaching
show examples
 a peak at 65
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2000. At the same time, Bangladesh
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the second highest
of
Change preposition
among
show examples
Use synonyms
men
Correct your spelling
male
show examples
smokers
Use synonyms
 at around 62
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
; meanwhile, the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 was Australia at around 29
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. In 2000, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of adult
men
Use synonyms
smokers
Use synonyms
 in Cuba was 53
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
;
while
Linking Words
 Egypt, Lebanon and Mexico had
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 at around 35
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Regarding the line graph, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of American male
smokers
Use synonyms
was remain
Change the verb form
remained
show examples
 the same at the highest at around 52
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Meanwhile, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of Cuba and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
Lebanon
was increase
Change the verb form
was increased
was increasing
show examples
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 around 51
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and 45
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively.
Also
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of Bangladesh
was decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 a half
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 in 2000 at around 39
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of Australian
men
Use synonyms
 who smoke was a
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
 fall and hit the lowest point at 18
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, men, smokers, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 12 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 6 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart, percentage, adult male smokers
  • world average, increased, decreased
  • tobacco consumption, lung cancer
  • public health, awareness campaigns
  • government policy, smoking bans
  • health risks, nicotine, tobacco industry
  • chart analysis, data comparison
  • statistical trend, significant fluctuation
  • stagnation, steady rise, moderate fall
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