IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

various career and academic choices taken by high school graduates in Lakeside country in 2010 and 2020.

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The two pie charts illustrate the comparison between the career options chosen by the graduates from high school in Lakeside County in 2010 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that the proportion of degree holders who chose
for going
Change preposition
to go
show examples
 to college and
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 showed
decline
Add an article
a decline
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the ratio of no idea, starting a business and working in
freelance
Add an article
the freelance
show examples
 sector increased. By observing the graph, it can be noted that the percentage of students who had no idea in 2010 was 5%, which
inclined
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 by 3 times in 2020. The ratio of scholars with starting a business was 19% more than in 2020, which was only 5% in 2010.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 difference of 2% was noticed between the working (freelance and informal sectors) in 2010 and 2020
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 11% and 13% respectively.
However
Linking Words
, in 2010 more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half
percentile
Correct article usage
the percentile
show examples
 of graduates
selected
Add a missing verb
were selected
show examples
 for going to college, which decreased by 17% in 2020.
Working
Correct article usage
The working
show examples
 sector
also
Linking Words
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 down from 24% to 10% in 2020.

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task achievement
Provide a stronger introduction that clearly outlines what the charts represent, including more specific details about each career option.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that you clearly categorize the changes in the proportions over time and present them in a clearer structure to enhance the logical flow.
task achievement
Add more specific numerical examples to support your observations about the changes, such as exact percentages when discussing shifts in career choices.
task achievement
The essay shows a clear understanding of trends in the data presented by discussing changes in proportions of career choices over time.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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