IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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The
food
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 industry has transformed over the
last
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 decades and numerous types of meals which are produced in the different counties are available in the local stores across the world. I believe that the advantages of
this
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development
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 outweigh the drawbacks.
To begin
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 with, the availability of
food
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 from other
countries
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' foods all over the world can cause inevitable consequences to the economy of  
importer
Replace the word
importing
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countries
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.
Increase
Correct article usage
An increase
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 in importing international meals can deteriorate the conditions of the local
food
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 industry.
For instance
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,  the rising Iranian interest in consuming Italian foods has increased the unemployment rate in the
Use synonyms
food- based
Add a hyphen
food-based
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 businesses and more than 100,000 Iranian workers have been made redundant by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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food
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 production corporations.
Therefore
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,
this
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development
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 may pose dramatic negative impacts on both governments and local people.
On the other hand
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, there is broad consensus that
this
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development
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 can bring several significant benefits. One of the primary advantages of
this
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 trend is that it can pave the way for
the exporter
Wrong verb form
exporting
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 nations to enhance their income and boost their economic growth. Increasing the source of income associated with exporting
food
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 products helps these
countries
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 to develop their infrastructures and
citizens
Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
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 living standards. Another major benefit is that even people who are living in remote or deprived areas like Africa and South Asia are able to consume
the
Correct article usage
apply
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various international foods.
As a result
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,
this
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development
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 can accommodate their needs properly and increase satisfaction
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
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 in these remote areas.
Last
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 but not least, the increasing prevalence of consuming other nations' cuisines can bridge the gap between the
countries
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, enabling more and closer communication among people and authorities. In conclusion,
although
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 it is said that
this
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 progress in the global
food
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 industry may cause severe consequences to the importer nation's economy, I believe that the benefits of
this
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development
Use synonyms
 are more valuable than its disadvantages.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, which is good. However, consider adding a brief overview of the main points you will discuss in your essay to set clearer expectations for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured; however, ensure that each paragraph discusses a single idea distinctly. You might want to develop your second point about bridging the gap between countries further to enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, consider summarizing the main points you've discussed instead of solely restating your opinion. This reinforces your argument and provides a stronger closure.
task achievement
You’ve effectively argued your case with a clear position throughout the essay, which is essential for task achievement.
task achievement
The use of specific examples like the impact on Iranian workers makes your essay more compelling and illustrates your points well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrition
  • cultural exposure
  • competitive markets
  • economic boost
  • employment opportunities
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental impact
  • local produce
  • food security
  • global supply chain
  • sustainable practices
  • consumer choice
  • market dynamics
  • price competition
  • agricultural sector
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