IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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In the world, there is a growing number of diseases which are connected to consuming high-level
sugar
Use synonyms
 goods. Public health departments are looking for a solution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem and one of the decisions could be the setting the
sugar
Use synonyms
tax
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. It is expected that
people
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 begin to buy fewer
sugar
Use synonyms
 products
due to
Linking Words
 the high price, but in fact, it will encourage them to seek no less harmful alternatives.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss why the growing price of undesirable products will not decrease the sickness rate in society. The
sugar
Use synonyms
tax
Use synonyms
 is an artificial increasing cost of sugary products by
a
Correct article usage
the
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 government. The main idea is that customers are supposed to choose more
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
 options because of monetary benefits and
as a result
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, it will reduce unhealthy diets in the population.
This
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 method is similar to the tobacco
tax
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. Some countries,
for example
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 Poland, have allowed
such
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 practice and achieved a reduction of consuming 20% less. The main issue
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
Use synonyms
sugar
Add an article
the sugar
show examples
tax
Use synonyms
 is the fact that
although
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people
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 may spend less money on high
sugar
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 content, they will find other unhealthy options
such
Linking Words
 as high levels of fatty food or too salty goods.
For instance
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,
although
Linking Words
people
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 began spending less on sugary drinks after accepting new rules in some regions of the US, beer sales have increased. The reasons why
people
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 buy harmful food
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not only
due to
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 the price
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
for
Rephrase
also for
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 pleasure.
To eat
Change the verb form
Eating
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 some candy is the easiest way to reduce stress and feel happy. So government should offer more healthy alternatives,
instead
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 of banning harmful ones. In conclusion,
although
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 the
sugar
Use synonyms
tax
Use synonyms
 seems like a beneficial option,
however
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, it does not solve the problem of unhealthy diets in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In my opinion, it will be more productive to spend
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 money on the improvement of mental care and sports services so that it can reduce the mortality of citizens.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly outline your main argument in the introduction to create a strong foundation for your essay.
coherence
Consider adding a few transitional phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs and ideas, which can improve the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Expand on your points with more examples or evidence to strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject.
task achievement
The essay contains a clear opinion and addresses the topic comprehensively.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples, such as the comparison with tobacco tax, adds credibility to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufactured food
  • high sugar content
  • health problems
  • sugary products
  • encourage consumption
  • deter
  • public health
  • obesity rates
  • healthier alternatives
  • nutritious
  • sugar tax
  • revenue
  • health initiatives
  • educational programs
  • public health campaigns
  • disproportionately
  • low-income individuals
  • subsidizing
  • accessibility
  • affordability
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