IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed , rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantage of being self- employed?

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There are split opinions regarding whether people should pursue self-employment
instead
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 of working for a company or small firm.
However
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, both have their pros and cons.
Therefore
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, before commenting on my
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decision
decisi
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decision
 on both the opinions would be discussed. Examining the former opinion, the primary argument the supporters would put forward is that being an employee under an employer has its own perks. The first and foremost thing is that there is a certainty that an individual will get paid monthly or bi-weekly, with that they can plan to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their future expectation.
In addition
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, most of the firms provide a bunch of benefits to their associate
such
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 as physiotherapy, vision care, gym membership, and other health care benefits for the family members as well.
On the other hand
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, the latter view suggests that being self-employed has numerous drawbacks.
To begin
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 with,
as
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apply
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any startup has no certainty to return
of
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on
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 investment in
this
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 competitive generation, and
also
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need
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needs
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 patience, experience and hard work to market an individual product.
Moreover
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, a recent study suggests that seventy
percent
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per cent
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 of
the
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apply
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startups fail within a few months
due to
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lack
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a lack
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 of finance and motivation.
To conclude
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 the give my opinion, I would say that for a person who has a wealthy background and experience in their field, they should go for
a
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their
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 own business, but the rest of the people should work under an employer could be the
best
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most
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 appropriate way.

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task achievement
The introduction could provide a clearer thesis statement that outlines the main points to be discussed. Consider rephrasing to set clear expectations for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
In the body paragraphs, ensure that each point you discuss directly supports your argument. The first paragraph could be better organized to clearly distinguish the benefits of employment from those of self-employment.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or data to support your claims, especially in the second body paragraph regarding the disadvantages of self-employment.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion could be more impactful. Rather than just stating that wealthy individuals should consider self-employment, summarizing the main arguments would strengthen your conclusion and provide closure.
task achievement
You have made a good effort in discussing both sides of self-employment and traditional employment, which shows a balanced perspective.
coherence and cohesion
The use of linking words and phrases (e.g., 'on the other hand', 'to conclude') helps in guiding the reader through your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • autonomy
  • entrepreneur
  • independence
  • opportunity
  • financial stability
  • set your own schedule
  • pursue your dreams
  • take risks
  • uncertainty
  • income stability
  • workload
  • taxes
  • marketing
  • client acquisition
  • job security
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