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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

favorite leisure activities of teenagers in Canada

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The bar chart illustrates the percentage of teenagers in Canada who engage in four different leisure activities: sports, computer games, music, and shopping.
Overall
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, shopping is the most popular pastime among
boys
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,
while
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 sports
also
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 have significant participation.
In contrast
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, shopping is the least preferred activity among
girls
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. Regarding shopping, nearly 35% of
boys
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 enjoy
this
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 activity, compared to only about 5% of
girls
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.
Similarly
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, sports are more popular among
boys
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 (around 25%),
whereas
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 just over 10% of
girls
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 participate in them. For music and computer games, both genders have similar levels of interest. Around 20% of both
boys
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 and
girls
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 enjoy music,
while
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 approximately 20% of
boys
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 play computer games, slightly more than
girls
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.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more detailed introduction that briefly explains what the bar chart represents and what information will be covered in the essay.
task achievement
Try to enhance the conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed in the essay and perhaps suggesting an overall insight or trend regarding leisure activities of teenagers in Canada.
coherence and cohesion
The structure is generally logical, but enhancing the connections between the different activities discussed could improve the flow of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that comparisons are clear for better emphasis on contrasts between boys' and girls' preferences. You could explicitly mention the differences in participation rates between the genders for each activity to strengthen your points.
task achievement
You effectively present the data from the bar chart and provide comparisons between the different leisure activities and gender.
task achievement
The use of percentages adds clarity and is helpful in illustrating the levels of participation among the teenagers, making it easy for readers to understand the trends.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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