IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There is a view that women should get less sentence when they have the same crime as men. Do you agree or disagree? (essay)

A thought exists that men should have more punishment than
women
Use synonyms
 even if each
gender
Use synonyms
 has the same
crime
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay disagrees that it does not matter which person is in which
gender
Use synonyms
, everyone must get a certain penalty
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 he or she deserves. If it
would
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
treated well, there can be certain inequality among people.
Women
Use synonyms
 can rely on
this
Linking Words
 situation to
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many crimes
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 if there is
not any
Rephrase
no
show examples
 restriction for them
as
Change preposition
like
show examples
 men.
As a result
Linking Words
, it can create some unfairness between males and females in
perspective
Correct article usage
the perspective
show examples
 of
sentence
Add an article
the sentence
a sentence
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. In
area
Add an article
the area
show examples
 of justice, Governments must consider who commits
Use synonyms
crime
Add an article
a crime
show examples
, not what
gender
Use synonyms
 it is. They are not able to
let
Verb problem
handle
show examples
 many offense situations
due to
Linking Words
 a criminal's
gender
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, There is
this
Linking Words
 type of inequality that a man and a woman have the same murder cases but
penalty
Correct article usage
the penalty
show examples
 period
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 is less than
Change preposition
for male
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
. Migration
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 may increase because of
high
Add an article
a high
the high
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 percentage of
crime
Use synonyms
circumtances
Correct your spelling
circumstances
.
In other words
Linking Words
, citizens of countries are able to have some
concernes
Correct your spelling
concerns
 about their living
standarts
Correct your spelling
standards
. It should
also
Linking Words
 force governments to make radical decisions in that case.
For example
Linking Words
, Panama was responsible for
higher
Correct word choice
more
show examples
 murder situations that
women
Use synonyms
commit them
Wrong verb form
committed
show examples
 regularly. It could cause serious migration from Panama to
european
Change the capitalization
European
show examples
 countries. After all,
Panama
Correct article usage
the Panama
show examples
 government made certain regulations and it brought many migrants
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
back. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 essay supports the idea that
women
Use synonyms
 should have equal sentence
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 men and a lack of attention is able to be a reason for
important
Add an article
the important
show examples
 level of
criminals
Replace the word
crime
show examples
.

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task achievement
Clarify your thesis statement to make it more direct and specific. For example, you could state clearly that you disagree with the idea of gender-based sentencing.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph clearly relates back to your main argument and that ideas transition smoothly from one to another.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples or statistics to support your points. While you mention Panama, more context about the situation and its relevance to your argument would strengthen it.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position against gender-based sentencing, which is commendable.
task achievement
You raise important issues regarding equality and fairness in the justice system, which are relevant to the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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