IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when travelling, etc.). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

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Technologies and
global
Correct article usage
the global
show examples
 web allow us to
work
Use synonyms
 at
home
Use synonyms
, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 consider
is
Correct your spelling
this
show examples
 as
privilege
Add an article
a privilege
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 others think that everyone should still
working
Change the verb form
work
be working
show examples
 from
Use synonyms
office
Add an article
the office
an office
show examples
. Working online has many benefits and drawbacks,
in
Correct word choice
and in
show examples
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discover them. If we look at 2020, when
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 world had to
staying
Change the verb
stay
show examples
 in isolation, we can see how major part of companies learnt to
completing
Wrong verb form
complete
show examples
 tasks and
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
 workers
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
distance
Correct article usage
a distance
show examples
 at the same
time
Use synonyms
. At that
office
Use synonyms
 workers understood, that they able to still
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 and being in a
headquarter
Correct subject-verb agreement
headquarters
show examples
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 not necessary,
instead
Linking Words
 of
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 be anywhere, even travel in another country. The evidence is that
according to
Linking Words
 statistics, after quarantine more than 47 million
people
Use synonyms
 left their jobs. By working online
employments
Correct your spelling
employees
show examples
 capable
to save
Change preposition
of saving
show examples
 a lot of
time
Use synonyms
, which they used to spend on heading to
work
Use synonyms
 and
comeback
Correct your spelling
come back
show examples
 to
home
Use synonyms
. In big
cities
Add a comma
cities,
show examples
 it can take hours
due to
Linking Words
 track jams and long distances. Another cogent merit of working at
home
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is that
people
Use synonyms
 may spend more
time
Use synonyms
 on
self improvement
Add a hyphen
self-improvement
show examples
 and being closer with families. Staying at
home
Use synonyms
 can even remove stress because of avoiding pressuring
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
 by being surrounded by nervous
employers
Correct your spelling
employees
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 new trend
also
Linking Words
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some disadvantages. One of them is
permanently
Change the word
permanent
show examples
 disturbance from bosses because of deadlines and reports. Freelancers and
office
Use synonyms
 workers who transferred to working at
home
Use synonyms
 often face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the issue
an issue
show examples
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
, when
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
 or
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
 always
appealing
Wrong verb form
appeal
show examples
 to
you
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in order to check
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 success
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 executing
Add an article
the task
a task
show examples
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
. It can be embarrassing, when you
disturbed
Add a missing verb
are disturbed
show examples
 during personal moments, eating food and especially on weekends.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, online
work
Use synonyms
 is mainly chosen by
people
Use synonyms
 because of flexible
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
, but in
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 it is more inconvenient, than
Use synonyms
time
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 table during
work
Use synonyms
 at
Use synonyms
office
Add an article
the office
show examples
.
Home
Use synonyms
 routine and abundance of free
time
Use synonyms
 often provide
time
Use synonyms
 disorientation in online working, because
mix
Add an article
the mix
a mix
show examples
 of
job's
Change noun form
job
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 and
home
Use synonyms
 routine,
such
Linking Words
 as cooking and preparing children
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 school can easily disrupt
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
 order of completing tasks. Working out of
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
polarized
Add an article
a polarized
the polarized
show examples
 theme that
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 many heated debates,
trying
Add the particle
trying to
show examples
 find the answer on
should
Correct word choice
whether should
show examples
 we
work
Use synonyms
 in or out of
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
 In my opinion, despite all
mentioned
Correct article usage
the mentioned
show examples
 demerits, working from
home
Use synonyms
 has way more cogent advantages for choosing it over staying in offices. Even if online
work
Use synonyms
 may sometimes disturb
people
Use synonyms
 from
personal
Correct pronoun usage
their personal
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, the benefits you get by saving
time
Use synonyms
 and mental health, the positive side of
work
Use synonyms
 outside
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 are priceless.

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a good overview of the topic, but try to be more precise in stating your position. It's important to clearly indicate if you believe the benefits outweigh the disadvantages right from the start.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay flows fairly well, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Consider using linking words or phrases to connect your thoughts more clearly, which would help guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
In your second body paragraph, you mention that working online allows for personal time, which is great, but make sure you're always linking this back to how it benefits one's life overall. Strengthen the connection between your points and the overarching argument.
task achievement
While you provided statistics and examples, like the 47 million people who left their jobs, try to incorporate more specific examples of how working from home positively impacts people's lives. Personal anecdotes can be compelling.
task achievement
You have included relevant statistics and offered a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of working from home, which is commendable.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and reiterates the benefits of working from home, emphasizing the advantages over disadvantages.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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