IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With the increased global demand for oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree? Angsa

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As
demand
Use synonyms
 for petrochemicals has been increasing day by day, there is
a
Remove the article
apply
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growing support to explore newer places to gain more of these resources. I
strong
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strongly
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 oppose
this
Linking Words
 argument as it goes against
protection
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the protection
show examples
 of our
environment
Use synonyms
. There is no doubt that
demand
Use synonyms
 for
oil
Use synonyms
 and gas has increased multifold
due to
Linking Words
ever growing
Add a hyphen
ever-growing
show examples
 consumerism and capitalism. As more and more people are lifted out of the penury,
demand
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 for
energy
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 increases rapidly.
As a result
Linking Words
, companies start exploring new places to dig and extract more
oil
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.
While
Linking Words
 it may help improve the economy for the
Use synonyms
oil producing
Add a hyphen
oil-producing
show examples
 countries, it may prove detrimental for our precious
environment
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the discovery and mining process involves digging the land or ocean bed which destroys the ecology around that area.
This
Linking Words
 pollutes the natural
environment
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 of that place
such
Linking Words
 as water, soil and air.
For example
Linking Words
, the city of Pittsburgh has been used for mining over a period of many decades which resulted in very high pollution leading to endangering the health of its inhabitants.
Secondly
Linking Words
, more petrochemical resources from new wells would add more carbon to the
environment
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, impacting the ozone layer.
As a result
Linking Words
, it will increase the
green house
Correct your spelling
greenhouse
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 effect severely, leading to global warming. We are already noticing the effects of global warming all over the world.
For example
Linking Words
, snowy mountains in
Arctic
Correct article usage
the Arctic
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 are melting much more than earlier expected and the world is recording the highest temperature in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 few years.
Lastly
Linking Words
, as an alternative, we should look for green sources of
energy
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 to meet the ever-increasing
demand
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. Solar
energy
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 is a
noval
Correct your spelling
novel
 and innovative way to produce
energy
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 with prices of solar cells coming down rapidly.
Similary
Correct your spelling
Similarly
,
electricity charged
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electricity-charged
show examples
 cars are getting very popular in countries like China. These efforts should be commended and encouraged in all countries. In conclusion, digging new wells for
extraction
Correct article usage
the extraction
show examples
 of
oil
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 and gas is not conducive for mankind as it would be perilous for us in the
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
. There are alternative sources of
energy
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 available
such
Linking Words
 as solar, wind and electric batteries which are now
economical
Change the word
economically
show examples
 viable
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent innovations and investments. These green
energy
Use synonyms
 sources should be adopted
while
Linking Words
 the traditional resources should be
discouaged
Correct your spelling
discouraged
 as much as possible.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your stance and outlines your main points succinctly. You could also enhance the clarity of your position in the body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the flow between your paragraphs by using linking phrases. This will improve the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
While you gave examples, consider providing more detailed evidence or statistics to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance against exploring new areas for oil and gas extraction, which is great for task achievement.
task achievement
The use of specific examples like Pittsburgh and the melting Arctic is effective in illustrating your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global demand
  • oil and gas
  • undiscovered areas
  • exploration
  • environmental impact
  • sustainable energy
  • renewable resources
  • economic growth
  • habitat destruction
  • pollution
  • climate change
  • technological advancements
  • sustainable extraction
  • conservation efforts
  • energy security
  • fossil fuels
  • resource management
  • geopolitical implications
  • energy transition
  • resource depletion
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