IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Scientists tell us some activities are good for health, and others are bad. Despite knowing that millions of people continue doing unhealthy activities. What are the causes, and what are the solutions?

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Several experts tell us the positives of some activities. at the same time, many sports and other hobbies have drawbacks.
althoug
Correct your spelling
although
this
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 information, millions of
people
Use synonyms
 continue doing unhealthy activities for many reasons. in
this
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 essay, we will discuss
this
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 topic. on the one hand,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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healthy sports are more common in numerous countries that
Add a missing verb
are interest
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interest
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interested
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 in
this
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 sector.
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in
Capitalize word
In
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 contrast, some poor regions which have not the ability to offer specific facilities for several workouts.
as a result
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, particular unhealthy options will be launched because it
is not require
Change the verb form
does not require
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 a huge budget.
for example
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, the Cricket game in the local sport in both India and Pakistan. it is suitable for poor and rich
people
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. but, many researchers
in
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at
show examples
the
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apply
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Harvard University in 2012 indicated to possibility
risks
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of risks
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such
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 as the head shot and Arm injuries. they started their experience
on
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with
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 100 random
people
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 in India. after one year. the result was clear effects on their bodies.
on the other hand
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, there are different solutions for
this
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 subject.
firstly
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, governments should build
a specific areas
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specific areas
a specific area
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 for
the
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apply
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safe workouts or develop
the
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apply
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local Gyms with
stuible
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stumble
stable
stubble
 fees for
everoyne
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everyone
 over 18.
Moreover
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, it is important to teach
people
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 the dangers of some activities to avoid
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 and to be careful with enough knowledge.
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for
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For
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 example, a Japanese college started a large event in 2015. the primary goal was to tell the participants how to
chioce
Correct your spelling
choose
 their favourite exercise or fitness hobby carefully. after that, the average
japanese
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Japanese
show examples
 health
people
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 increased in three years by about 25%.
to sum up
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, there are different
activites
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activities
 around the world. so, it is vital to choose the healthy
trainings
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training
pieces of training
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. and avoid some
dangerous
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dangers
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 to steer clear of any injuries.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to enhance the logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
Provide a more detailed introduction and conclusion to strengthen the overall message and provide closure.
coherence and cohesion
Use proper punctuation and capitalization throughout the essay to improve readability.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your arguments, which is crucial for task achievement.
task achievement
The essay attempts to cover both causes and solutions effectively, showing a balanced approach to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • addiction
  • chemical reactions
  • dependency
  • social and cultural norms
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • temptations
  • implementing policies
  • taxing
  • supportive environment
  • accountability
  • unhealthy habits
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