IIt is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's

It appears that the word todays should use the genitive case. Consider changing the noun.

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society,
Children
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are more keen to
take there
Correct your spelling
make their

The word take there doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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own decisions
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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however
Linking Words

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they struggle to
distinct
Replace the word
distinguish

The word distinct doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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between right
or
Correct word choice
and

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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wrong. some say punishing them will help them in learning what is right
whereas
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others think the opposite. First of all, One important aspect of teaching
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

the difference between right and wrong is through positive reinforcement rather than
punishment
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
This
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involves reinforcing good behaviour with rewards and praise which can be more effective in the long run.
For example
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, My niece used to speak rudely with everyone and sometimes would
abuse
Correct pronoun usage
abuse me

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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. So, we started a piggy bank for her she would put 5 dollars on every bad word from her pocket money. Later in
few
Correct article usage
a few

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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months she stopped using and became more
concious
Correct your spelling
conscious

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.
Moreover
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
While
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

punishment
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can be seen as a quick solution
in
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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correcting wrong behaviour, it might
instill
Change the spelling
instil

The spelling of instill is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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fear rather than understanding in
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, leading them to hide their mistakes or lie.
On the other hand
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Another approach can be involving them in discussions about ethics and consequences, allowing them to develop critical thinking skills and empathy towards others.
Also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, incorporating moral education
in
Change preposition
into

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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school
Correct article usage
the school

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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curriculum could provide an environment where
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

understand the consequences of their actions intellectually rather than having them just follow rules
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

fear of
punishment
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
To Conclude
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I strongly believe
thatreasonable
Correct your spelling
that reasonable

If you don’t want thatreasonable to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

consequences, not harsh
punishment
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, are necessary to make
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

understand the results of their actions, fostering responsibility and accountability.

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task achievement
Ensure you provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that explicitly states your position. This will help readers understand your stance from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to improve the flow of your ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Consider adding a brief counterargument that acknowledges the other side of the debate on the use of punishment, then refuting it can strengthen your position.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for minor grammatical errors, such as 'their' instead of 'there' and missing punctuation, which can affect the clarity of your points.
task achievement
You have introduced relevant examples, like your niece's piggy bank method, which effectively illustrates your point about positive reinforcement.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for each argument, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distinction between right and wrong
  • Positive reinforcement
  • Negative reinforcement
  • Moral development
  • Behavioral correction
  • Ethical understanding
  • Intrinsic motivation
  • Extrinsic motivation
  • Consequential thinking
  • Empathy
  • Responsibility
  • Accountability
  • Child psychology
  • Effective discipline
  • Reward systems
  • Cognitive development
  • Moral compass
  • Behavioral patterns
  • Disciplinary measures
  • Punitive actions
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