IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

IIt is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
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 society,
Children
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 are more keen to
take there
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make their
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 own decisions
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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however
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 they struggle to
distinct
Replace the word
distinguish
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 between right
or
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and
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 wrong. some say punishing them will help them in learning what is right
whereas
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 others think the opposite. First of all, One important aspect of teaching
children
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 the difference between right and wrong is through positive reinforcement rather than
punishment
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.
This
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 involves reinforcing good behaviour with rewards and praise which can be more effective in the long run.
For example
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, My niece used to speak rudely with everyone and sometimes would
abuse
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abuse me
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. So, we started a piggy bank for her she would put 5 dollars on every bad word from her pocket money. Later in
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 months she stopped using and became more
concious
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conscious
.
Moreover
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,
While
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punishment
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 can be seen as a quick solution
in
Change preposition
to
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 correcting wrong behaviour, it might
instill
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instil
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 fear rather than understanding in
children
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, leading them to hide their mistakes or lie.
On the other hand
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, Another approach can be involving them in discussions about ethics and consequences, allowing them to develop critical thinking skills and empathy towards others.
Also
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, incorporating moral education
in
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into
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school
Correct article usage
the school
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 curriculum could provide an environment where
children
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 understand the consequences of their actions intellectually rather than having them just follow rules
due to
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 fear of
punishment
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.
To Conclude
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, I strongly believe
thatreasonable
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that reasonable
 consequences, not harsh
punishment
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, are necessary to make
children
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 understand the results of their actions, fostering responsibility and accountability.

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task achievement
Ensure you provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that explicitly states your position. This will help readers understand your stance from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to improve the flow of your ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Consider adding a brief counterargument that acknowledges the other side of the debate on the use of punishment, then refuting it can strengthen your position.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for minor grammatical errors, such as 'their' instead of 'there' and missing punctuation, which can affect the clarity of your points.
task achievement
You have introduced relevant examples, like your niece's piggy bank method, which effectively illustrates your point about positive reinforcement.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for each argument, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distinction between right and wrong
  • Positive reinforcement
  • Negative reinforcement
  • Moral development
  • Behavioral correction
  • Ethical understanding
  • Intrinsic motivation
  • Extrinsic motivation
  • Consequential thinking
  • Empathy
  • Responsibility
  • Accountability
  • Child psychology
  • Effective discipline
  • Reward systems
  • Cognitive development
  • Moral compass
  • Behavioral patterns
  • Disciplinary measures
  • Punitive actions
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