IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that government funding for schools should be spent on science subjects rather than on other subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying that governments should allocate funds to education. Some people look upon expenditures spent on science as a better policy, compared to other subjects. As far as I am concerned, I am strongly opposed to
this
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 argument, and the reasons will be thoroughly explained as follows.
To begin
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 with, not all students are interested in science, so some groups of people will be treated unfairly if the authorities fail to spend money on a diverse syllabus.
That is
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 to say, those who are passionate about other fields like arts or literature will be underserved.
For example
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, I have been dreaming about pursuing a career as a professional dancer since I was a child.
However
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, decades ago, the Taiwanese government implemented regulations that maintained financial support only for science and technology programs.
As a result
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, I had no option but to give up my aspiration
due to
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 lacking enough savings for
further
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 advanced training lessons. It is widely accepted that individuals tend to select a major catering to the job market;
therefore
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, there is a risk of an imbalance in human resources in the future.
According to
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 a study from National Taiwan University, about 70 per cent of job opportunities in Taiwan are related to semiconductors and software services, which results in the majority of Taiwanese teenagers preferring to learn physics, mathematics, and programming.
On the other hand
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, businesses like publishers or restaurants are now facing challenges in not being able to hire enough well-trained employees. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned, funding for schools should be distributed to various subjects for the sake of benefiting every student and protecting every business.

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task achievement
Although the introduction sets the stage well, elaborating a bit more on your stance could enhance clarity. You could state explicitly what your position on funding distribution is early on in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay flows well with a clear logical structure; however, consider using additional transition phrases to connect your ideas even more smoothly between paragraphs.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, try to incorporate a wider range of specific examples to provide deeper insights and strengthen your argumentation.
task achievement
You offer a compelling argument against the sole focus on science funding and effectively illustrate the impact on students' choices and aspirations, which demonstrates critical thinking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • government funding
  • education funding
  • science subjects
  • STEM fields
  • technological advancement
  • innovation
  • economic competitiveness
  • holistic development
  • curriculum
  • real-world applications
  • climate change
  • public health
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • adaptability
  • diverse student interests
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